[请益] 可以帮我看看这篇作文吗?

楼主: fallmaple (go!fight!)   2016-07-04 16:19:02
题目:短篇写作(20 分):请阅读指示并依指示写作。
In one of his articles entitled “What Leaders Really Do,”
Harvard Business School professor John Kotter argues that management and
leadership are different but complementary. He proposes, “Managers promote
stability while leaders press for change.” Do you agree with him or not?
If you do, elaborate on his argument.If you don’t, state your own.
In either case, be sure to use examples to illustrate your argument.
我的作文:
I agree with John Kotter. Managers need to stabilize the business. Their
duty is to organize the employees to ensure the work could be done orderly,
efficiently, and nonstop. For that, managers should make rules, like an SOP
for the sales report.
In the other hand, leaders press for change. Compared to managers, the
mission of leaders is to lead the company to the better place for the better
income. They have to consider how to create more and more chances to make it
come true. If they also maintain the stability like managers, it's impossible
to get it. Leaders have to think the new products, sale ways, and rules. If
they can not change the old things, it's difficult to attract new costumers and
earn more money for the companies.
Management and leadership are different but complementary. A successful
business often needs both for stability and change. Only by good managers and
ambitious leaders, we could ensure the inner work to be done orderly,
effectively and quickly while the sale number could be higher and higher.
非常感谢不吝指教。
作者: noruas (酪乳)   2016-07-04 17:14:00
真惨....比小学生还差..
作者: kee32 (终于毕业了)   2016-07-04 17:28:00
我看开头,想说写很好咧,楼上干嘛这么严格?后来才知道,那些是题目指导语…建议原po找家教,你的状况不是简单几句可以教完的。
作者: gentianpan   2016-07-04 17:37:00
这应该是“作文”内容本身的问题,不是语言工具的问题读完后,觉得还是没有把leader 相对于manager 的差异论述讲清楚,提到的leader 内容感觉还是在讲manager而leader 自然会有“追随者”是学习的榜样,是模范...绝对不是简单的创造赚钱的机会而已。要能成为学习对象
作者: noruas (酪乳)   2016-07-04 18:27:00
建议从简单题目开始写,如 My Family, My Best Friend,
作者: dunchee (---)   2016-07-05 00:46:00
作者: allenh0728 (allen)   2016-07-05 02:17:00
倒数第二句照抄哦其实给参考文献会让你的作文更credible 但是那句是出自那个作者的论文里。。。
楼主: fallmaple (go!fight!)   2016-07-05 10:15:00
谢谢各位的指教,我会再努力的。
作者: bbbtri (cycling)   2016-07-05 14:07:00
1楼讲话......
作者: vincentman (Vincent)   2016-07-06 09:07:00
嗯…原PO要求指教,但有人是没给什么具体建议

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