就是当你以为自己很安全
就忽然跑出来袭击你的一场游戏
或者与其相仿的什么东西
不知道为什么觉得这一段很漂亮所以摘录于此
It begins to rain. The first harsh, sparse, swift drops rush through the
leaves and across the ground in a long sigh, as though of relief from
intorlerable suspense. They are big as buckshot, warm as though fired from
a gun; they sweep across the lantern in a vicious hissing.
这一段我看不懂
In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are
emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep, you
are not. And when you are filled with sleep, you never were. I don't know
what I am. I don't know if I am or not. Jewel knows he is, because he does
not know that he does not know whether he is or not. He cannot empty him-
self for sleep becasue he is not what he is and he is what he is not. Be-
yond the unlamped wall I can hear the rain shaping the wagon that is ours,
the load that is no longer theirs that felled and sawed it nor yet theirs
that bought it and which is not ours either, lie on our wagon though it
does, since only the wind and the rain shape it to Jewel and me, that are
not asleep. And since sleep is is-not and rain and wind are WAS, it is not.
Yet the wagon IS, because when the wagon is WAS, Addie Bundren will not be.
And Jewel IS, so Addie Bundren must be. And then I must be, or I could not
empty myself for sleep in a strange room. And so if I am not emptied yet,
I am IS.
How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.
说不定看到后面就懂了吧，也说不定像海明威的Big Two-hearted River一样
无论我怎么看就是不会懂（凭现在的我或是我，就是没办法搞懂的）
在第二个梦之前醒过来，枕头是湿的，眼眶也是
第一个梦中梦见了什么悲伤的事情吧
昨天晚上盯着光线做成的梯形在天花板上
（我用视线跟天花板交流都个把钟头起跳；这样笑着与K说）
忽然感到痛，这种时候经常想起叶青的那首因果
试着卷成还没出生时最熟悉的姿势，感受痛并想着那首诗
（我的诗跟书一样，涉猎不多）
／因果
觉得痛所以需要痛
就划了几道刀痕在身
觉得需要所以要
就要到了些感觉
感觉太深所以更深
就失去了以后
以后很远所以不肯走
就留在原地　看见你
看见你所以再度觉得痛
就算了什么也不需要了
实在太痛所以在全世界只有我的房间听起了mp3
试图将注意力放在注意音乐的细节上
发现一些从来没听过的合声段落
还有混音混到让听者（用耳机听的家伙们）感到窒息的歌
mp3很贴心的选了一些合适的歌
听到某首就知道
啊，该结束了
还是痛但没那么痛了所以睡了
起床，知道自己又无视闹钟睡过头
感到漫无边际的空虚，于是吃
吃了就感到被填满
“至少肉体是满的，这件事已经说明我足够幸运”
知道徒劳仍然试着这么说服自己
秋天快到了
夏天的忧郁太亮太热
灼烧我的神经
秋天快到了