各位同学好，我是J2TOEFL创办人/ SK2实力养成班顾问J2.
看好文章仿写是写作文进步的一个不错的方式，但是在仿写之前，同学要有
办法能说出文章好在哪里，仿写才会更有方向。
底下分享一位同学的独立写作，整体来说理由明确、例子具体生动，很适合
同学作仿写练习喔！
建议同学看此范文的时候，先想一下各段“好在哪里？”，再看底下我的分
析。
题目是：A/D: The most important investment that can be made to the
education of children aged four to seven is giving them a
computer.
同学范文：
People often possess different perspectives on whether to provide
a computer to educate children aged four to seven. Based on my
personal experience and observation of life, I strongly argue that
children will benefit more without having a computer.
First of all, it is important for children to maintain their
curiosity, and computers will harm their curiosity. For example,
children at age around four to seven always have thousands of
questions in their heads about the living environment nearby. To
be more specific, they are extremely curious, so they use their
five senses to understand the world, such as touching fluffy
animals, distinguishing different species of flora by smelling,
hearing the sound from the seashell, and so on. As a result, those
unprecedented and unexpected new experiences will maintain their
curiosity about the world. On the contrary, if parents give a
laptop to their children, then they could only figure out the
knowledge via a screen. That is, they can merely watch animals
running on a meadow in videos or listen to the sound of the sea
through headphones. As a result, they will not interest in the
world anymore.
●主题句“维持好奇心对小孩来说是很重要的”，对应到的例子有用五感
来认识这世界，像是touching fluffy animals, distinguishing
different species of flora by smelling, hearing the sound from the
seashell, and so on, 都是很好很具体的例子。
●反例也有提到如果是电脑的话，只能看到影片里的动物在跑是或听海的
声音，比较难维持好奇心，也是很好很具体的例子。
●word choice: harm their curiosity 应该成 hinder their
curiosity，google查没有harm curiosity的用法。
Secondly, children place emphasis on their imagination, but having
a computer decreases their imagination. For example, when a child
faces some difficult problems, they would solve the problems with
a vivid imagination. To be more specific, if you ask them how the
dinosaur demise on the Earth, they will give you a lot of surreal
stories, illogical answers, even providing new perspectives that
adults have never thought before. As a result, children perform
better at the subjects of Design and Creativity of Art due to
their ability of imagination. In contrast, if children are allowed
to use a laptop, when they face the same problems, they will
directly search for answers on the Internet. Apparently, having a
computer damages their ability of imagination.
●要发展“小孩子是充满想像力的”这个部分，这里用了surreal
stories, illogical answers, even providing new perspectives that
adults have never thought before 很多例子来说明、发展小孩子是很有
想像力的这件事，很具体。
●反例也直接解释“为何有了电脑就会扼杀小孩的想像力”，用直接搜寻
答案来说明。
●word choice: decrease imagination 改成 make children less
imaginative 会比较好。
Last but not least, it is important for children to interact with
people, but a computer declines the opportunity to interact with
people. Take myself as an example again. 25 years ago, I was born
in a generation without the convenient Internet. That is, I spent
my childhood with my grandparents, parents, and school classmates.
To be more specific, my parents took me to mountain climbing,
camping on the beach for a week and I participated in sports
activities with classmates after school. As a result, my childhood
was full of wonderful memories with my family and friends. On the
contrary, 6 years ago, my sister’s daughter was born. My sister
bought her daughter an iPad. Obviously, her daughter is playing
online games and watching Youtube videos all the time. Therefore,
she doesn’t know how to properly interact with people.
●举了很多mountain climbing, camping on the beach for a week and
I participated in sports activities with classmates after school是
很好的发展方式。
●可惜的地方是As a result这句，同学写的是因此童年充满很多美好的
回忆，但这样就没有呼应到主题句“跟人多互动”。应该改成“因此我跟家
人朋友有很多互动”比较好。
●word choice: declines the opportunity应改成decreases the
opportunity
In conclusion, I disagree that providing a computer is the most
important investment to educate a child. After all, children are
curious, imaginative, and should interact with people.
彼此多看文章是写作很好的练习，只要能明确指出好的地方在哪，
不好的地方如何改正，也是让作文进步不可或缺的因素！
Cheers,
J2
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