新鲜人英文自传求批...

楼主: ssabc2211 (Chinshan)   2017-02-12 04:17:02
背景:私立大学企管 多益仅790
该篇自传想附在人力银行的英文自传内
或是该改为pdf档放在附件呢
希望能找到外商的缺,或是国内公司的国外业务...但同时也不反对一些贸易类其他职位

因此倾向大方向的介绍自己没有针对明确产业别,不知道是否正确,文章就靠仅有的英文
能力还有字典拼凑出来,还想麻烦板上前辈不吝指正了十分感谢
My name is xxx and I am a business graduate from YYY University, Department of
Business Management. In my college, I specially interest in aspect of Marketi
ng and Human Resource. I believe that my academic background and social skill
make me as a strong entry level candidate for the job.
Family & Personality
I have a lovely family. My father is an owner of mobile store. Whenever I am f
ree, I really like to interact with customers, and learn how to react with dif
ferent client even foreigner. Every time customer leave, I would review the ca
se to understand how can I do much better in next time. That create so many op
portunities for me to verify and to modify my concept and attitude on work. I
think I am not only an outgoing person but positive and considerate.
Leadership Experience & Interest
I am a really enthusiast about sports. I play basketball, baseball and softbal
l, also join dancing club in my high school and college. In my club, I usually
play a leader or planner part. From recruiting new members, planning a show o
f the year and holding the 3 days training camp. I should totally understand t
he detail of case and make sure it would be hold successful.
Work Experience
I do a part-time job in my first year of college at Pakistan restaurant.
In there. I learn how to get along with colleague from different country such
as India, Vietnam and Pakistan. In my third year, I find a HR intern vacancy a
t one listed company. The company called ‘’Dimerco’’ in Logistic industry.
The job description is “Assisting manager to formulate report with word or e
xcel” and “Making the data turn into the information”. That makes me improv
e my ability of thinking comprehensively.
Last year, I go to TGI Friday’s restaurant to learn their FSS (Friday's servi
ce style).
Both in theory and practice. I get award of top 10 of a year, top sales and be
st rookies from TGI Friday’s, and also get the qualification of bartender.
In there, I learn how to serve 5 or 6 tables efficiently in the same time. So
I am good at prioritize, and I can always make right decision immediately.
In summary
I can always face challenges in positive attitude, and I like to find somewhe
re I don’t read or study before. To be a fresh graduate, I have infinite pass
ion and energy. I hope I can get in the best company and create my own value i
n there.
I would appreciate an opportunity to discuss my qualifications at your earlies
t convenience. Thank you for your time and consideration.
作者: marsonele (marsonele)   2017-02-12 05:48:00
你有google网络上的范本吗 读起来很琐碎 建议列点你打个cv resume都有不少可以参考的234段列点 最后一段删掉
作者: porschegt4 (保时捷)   2017-02-12 08:51:00
Leadership Experience 不够能表现出你都领导能力和实利,这段可拿除,工作经验最重要却不够丰富,例如,如何找到新工作,新工作内容太模糊,你离职的原因,工作要分年月来表示,格式要清础,重点要抓住在改改就很好了,加油
作者: gochin (gochin)   2017-02-12 09:02:00
第一段就怪了,想做的是国外业务类自传说对HR有兴趣,所以你只是想投投看?
作者: a31415926 (Adam smith)   2017-02-12 09:51:00
满多文法错误的…可以用grammarly帮你找错误然后你写的英文是中式英文
作者: ithil1 (阿椒)   2017-02-12 10:31:00
写成这样不如不要写In my college, I specially interest in 是什么鬼
作者: samutw (samutw)   2017-02-12 10:38:00
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
作者: mathlover (mathlover)   2017-02-12 10:46:00
太长,三段即可,第一段简单自介,第二节写大学、研究所学到或做过的事,第三段写为什么想要这个工作。剩下的都是文法错误
作者: wiggyc (tranquility)   2017-02-12 11:21:00
写作跟口语不一样,如果这是你口语的自介是可以(文体,文法还需修改),写作的话结构不够严谨。
作者: sf820624 (SF)   2017-02-12 11:36:00
很明显抄了范本还写成这样
作者: bean1080 (晨窦)   2017-02-12 11:51:00
为什么多益790 写的比我还可怕
作者: ff12453   2017-02-12 12:11:00
Last year, I "go" to...
作者: Beersheep (一心不乱)   2017-02-12 12:12:00
想要酸人的就不用推文了吧
作者: anselhsuen (就叫我冷笑话仙子★)   2017-02-12 12:54:00
家庭背景直接删掉好吗? 写这个就是菜菜子才会做的事
作者: echo815 (粉红)   2017-02-12 12:55:00
很多文法错误...不建议用grammarly, 找native speaker帮你修最好
作者: CHESTON (CHESTON)   2017-02-12 13:21:00
你第一段就文法错得很多,之后就没看
作者: kenshin528 (成立奥凶帝国!!)   2017-02-12 13:42:00
多益790 文章写成这样不如不写@@
作者: fanuc (天空是我唯一向往)   2017-02-12 14:06:00
这样有790....
作者: ncshue84   2017-02-12 14:33:00
毕业那边写错了应该是我毕业于XXX从XXX大学如果不确定写法正确 我建议你先GOOGLE 我都这样
作者: gochin (gochin)   2017-02-12 21:13:00
我因为第一段很矛盾后面就没看真的可以google有英文网站有针对不同职务写的范例CV与履历
作者: sc1 (sc1)   2017-02-13 01:22:00
中文看去没料的、英文的就甭看了
作者: P0970509782 (Ping-Pong)   2017-02-13 17:57:00
印象深刻,某公司自传题目:四个英文单词形容自己。供您参考

Links booklink

Contact Us: admin [ a t ] ucptt.com