这是去年的题目
印象题目是受过更多教育机会的人是否能得到更多机会
然后写出例子之类
下面是我的作文 麻烦请鞭策我
如果可以的话可以顺便跟我讲说要加强那些文法概念
谢谢各位!
Whether people receive higher education get more opportunities is a great
issue in today's society. In my view, I don't think this theory is right and
the followings are my reason. One reason is that people have their strengths
and advantages, but not only in academic. People's academic achievement
cannot represent their career path. The other reason is I know that many
people who receive higher education cannot figure out what the job they want
to do.
As for me, I was not good at studying. After graduating from college, I
didn't choose to enter a graduate school but did the job of the salesperson
in a car dealer until now. In my company, I found that I have a talent to
convince customers to buy expensive cars. After one year, I was promoted to a
sales manager and received a lot of chances to go our branches company in
American to learn more about management skills and take a series of training.
I hope that one day I can have my own business, and I think my achievement
will not be less than those whose degree is higher than me.

In my opinion

in my view 和 I don’t think 意思重复。The other reason is I know that 的 I know 也是多余的，这整篇很明显是在描述个人观点，因此 I think 这类描述是不需要的。

别一直用初级的单字像是think good 句型都是I开头没有变化 要切中主题每段都要环环相扣每个句子要有紧密的关联性 不要凑字 因为很明显多用分词构句跟关代可以改散你结构松散的问题基本的单复数问题就不要再错了 主动词要一致