睡眠记录no.9
晚上十点已经到该睡觉的时间
朋友传讯 说他跟另一个朋友聊天说我们聊到你
我回他说了什么？（内心知道他们应该是关心）
朋友回就是我想的那样
朋友问你还好吗
我知道她一定会问这个
我很如实陈述自己状态
不好的讲，好的也讲，清楚的说明自己
不再装没事，不再掩饰自己自卑的那面
没有焦虑，像似稀松平常说出我就是有病
结尾我说我觉得自己在慢慢好转
然后我准备好上床睡觉
在床上翻滚，想到有的没的又开始睡不着
到晚上十二点 我忍不住点开手机
我的直觉总是特别强 朋友正打字回复我
朋友说 那很好
接下来有什么计划？
Oh my gosh
要不是我是现在的状态
绝对焦虑感爆棚
Blabla我讲了一堆关于自己想法
我也不在乎别人怎么看待
我说不想面对父母需要时间勇气
朋友说了解
在经过我大长篇文字洗礼
以前的我会觉得就这样？
是不是我的问题开始焦虑
现在I don’t given fuck
是你要问的 而我很诚实的说
我不再被害妄想，朋友说了解是真的了解
以她的个性她会这么说的人
我也感受到她真诚的关心
结果我十二点多入睡到三点多醒来
躺床听podcast 周慕姿的灵魂脚本
某几集分析作家们因童年时期遭遇
而为什么成为现在的样子
夏目漱石 最知名的日本国民作家
《我是猫》的作者，竟是家暴犯
来自童年创伤或过渡溺爱
导致他对亲密关系连结没有信任
得不到，他就毁灭，变得充满攻击性
周心理师也分析了我最爱的太宰治
“身而为人，我很抱歉”
无赖派的始祖，我烂我骄傲，摆烂且厌世人生态度
非常扭曲的价值观，与人没界限的亲密连结
浪子主义，现在说法就是渣男
来自童年被性侵被虐待，又在父亲身上看到冷漠被强迫人格扭曲
成为他们想要太宰治成为他们想要的人
于是太宰戴上面具，他的内心价值被挫败加上身体的伤害
变成如此的太宰治
我想送他这首歌 killing in the name 杀害的名义
Rage Against the machine 讨伐体制乐团
Killing in the name of
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
Ugh!
Killing in the name of
Now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
But now you do what they told ya
Those that died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died, by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Those that died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died, by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Some of those that hold office, are the same that burn crosses
Some of those up in congress, are the same that burn crosses
Ugh!
Killing in the name of
Now you do what they told ya
And now you do what they told ya
(Now you're under control)
And now you do what they told ya
(Now you're under control)
And now you do what they told ya
(Now you're under control)
And now you do what they told ya
(Now you're under control)
And now you do what they told ya (Now you're under control)
Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died, by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
You justify those that died, by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites
Come on!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
MOTHERFUCKER
Ugh