大家好，我是SK2 TOEFL 的 Lia～
我们都知道，写托福作文时，主题句的撰写相当重要，因为此句表达的是段
落的核心。甚至，有人说，主题句架设得得好，其余的文章就像一阵清风一
样，写得简单又舒服。
然而，主题句到底该怎么写才会写得正确，又写得优雅呢？
让我来用平时帮学生改的主题句和各位说明在写主题句时常犯的错误吧！
（今天的练习是较硬性的教学，若你想要读更为循序渐进的写作引导，欢迎
同学参考我之前写过的写作系列文章）
首先，请同学想想看，如果你是老师，你将如何批改以下几句主题句呢？
Q: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
It it a waste of money for government to fund space travel and
space exploration.
主题句1：First of all, the govenment should care about their
citizen’s education. Funding space travel and space exploration
is not crucial budget for citizen’s education.
主题句2：Futhermore, the govenment should care about their
fundmental infrastructure. Investing space travel and space
exploration is exclusive with budget of these fundmental
infrastructure.
Q: Cooperative ability is more important than leadership.
主题句1：First of all, most people care about efficiency. Instead
of leadership, a person with cooperative ability can communicate
with others more efficient.
主题句2：Last but not least, I am an outgoing person. With the
ability of cooperative, I can make a lot of friend.
主题句的改法很简单：
1. 注意整句是否与题目扣紧，是否有回答到问题本身？
2. 注意该句的语意是否清楚
3. 注意该句的文法、用字及拼字
4. 如果行有余力，你可以再检查一次整体的写作逻辑是否顺畅读完了上述
的句子，记得在纸上为各句写两到三个你觉得有语病的地方。当你做完了上
述的练习，请看我改写后的例子，以及我所给出解释：
Q: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
It it a waste of money for government to fund space travel and
space exploration.
主题句1：First of all, the government should
care about their citizen’s education; yet funding space travel
and space exploration will sacrifice the budget meant for citizen
’s education.后句因语意不清，并至前句，删除 “is not crucial
budget for citizen’s education.”主题句尽可能一句话讲完，故作此安
排。
主题句2：Furthermore, the government should care about their
fundamental infrastructure; yet investing in space travel and
space exploration takes away the budget planned for construction.
句子后面因语意不清、且文法不够清楚，导致读者看不懂，故删除 “is
exclusive with(?) budget of these fundamental infrastructure.”is
exclusive with 的用法错误，基础建设用infrastructure 一字即可。
Q: Cooperative ability is more important than leadership.
主题句1：First of all, most people care about efficiency, and the
ability to cooperative with others brings along more efficiency
for oneself and others. In other words, instead of leadership, a
person with cooperative abilities can communicate with others more
efficiently. This is why this skill is more important compared to
the ability to lead.
观察句型，此四句最重要的问题应是“文法不够清楚”，而非“文法错
误”。同学的文法加上“所选择使用”的句型，会让读者看不出讲者的逻
辑。举个简单的例子，在上面的原句：Instead of leadership, a person
with the ability to cooperate can communicate with others more
efficient.Instead of leadership 跟后面的 a person with cooperative
skills 并没有在文法格式及内容上都没有平行。
若真想写出原句的意思，较适当的写法是：Instead of owning abilities
to lead, one should focus more on cultivating cooperative skills.
写完了此句，再将此概念跟题目扣紧。从此，你可以观察出，同学一旦用更
复杂的句型，文法会显得更混乱，句子焦点将更不清楚！而这样的状况，在
我批改较难的题目时特别容易出现。不知道为什么，在写比较难的托福题目
时，往往有更多同学因为“选择使用”复杂句型而搞死自己，真是可惜。这
样写作，实际上会导致你的作文不清楚，甚至会离题呢！
主题句2：Last but not least, I am an outgoing person. With the
ability of cooperative, I can make a lot of friends. 注意到了吗？
原本的题目并非在问你(you)喔！因此，大家在写作文时，自然也不能用 I
为你论述的对象。 既然题目的对象不是 I 而是 people，各位在写作时当
然就不能讲到人的个性很outgoing了— 并不是每一个人，都很outgoing。
正确的写法应该是：
Last but not least, people usually desire for friends, and
compared to leadership skills, cooperative skills bring more
friends.
这篇文章短而精华，不知道大家在经过上述的练习之后，有没有更了解如何
写主题句呢？这篇范例出自于我和学生的真实对话（作业已经过学生本人同
意分享），观察改写前和改写后的版本，各位不难发现，所谓的主题句，应
是清楚、直接而明确的。
如果你还有作文上不懂的地方，欢迎你来我的课堂上找我讨论！
你可以：1. 报名我的免费公开课 — 这个月我有两场公开
课，分别教阅读及口说写作（报名网址在这边：https://goo.gl/KAzi9Q）
2. 或是来我的课上免费试听！我们的课都有开放旁听，若你想旁听我的课
程，欢迎你洽 [email protected] 了解更多。
旁听课程可以直接选择你想听四科哪一科，选择你最弱的科目前来吧！
当你有问题时，透过上面的任何一种途径都可直接见到我！
届时，你可带上你的托福问题，我都会尽全力为你解答！
（每位问问题的学生都将有和我一对一的咨询的机会，别害羞囉 :) ）
以上是我今天的分享，下一次，缴作文前，记得再审审你的主题句吧！
Enjoy your March!
～～SK2 TOEFL Lia