像DeRozan和Love这样的公众人物
愿意谈论心理健康的议题是很有意义的
虽然篇幅长但用字不难就翻译分享给大家了
——
原文连结：https://goo.gl/Ttd9pD
Everyone Is Going Through Something
每个人都在经历著一些困难
MAR 6 2018
2018年3月6日
KEVIN LOVE
凯文 爱
FORWARD / CLEVELAND CAVALIERS
前锋 / 克里夫兰骑士
On November 5th, right after halftime against the Hawks, I had a panic attack.
在11月5日对上老鹰的比赛中场休息过后，我经历了一次恐慌发作。
It came out of nowhere. I'd never had one before. I didn't even know if they
were real. But it was real — as real as a broken hand or a sprained ankle.
Since that day, almost everything about the way I think about my mental health
has changed.
像是天外飞来一笔，我从来没有发作过，我甚至不知道那是不是真的，但那是真的，和手
骨折或脚踝扭伤一样真实。从那天起，我对心理健康的看法有了重大的转变。
I've never been comfortable sharing much about myself. I turned 29 in September
and for pretty much 29 years of my life I have been protective about anything
and everything in my inner life. I was comfortable talking about basketball —
but that came natural. It was much harder to share personal stuff, and looking
back now I know I could have really benefited from having someone to talk to
over the years. But I didn't share — not to my family, not to my best friends,
not in public. Today, I've realized I need to change that. I want to share some
of my thoughts about my panic attack and what's happened since. If you're
suffering silently like I was, then you know how it can feel like nobody really
gets it. Partly, I want to do it for me, but mostly, I want to do it because
people don't talk about mental health enough. And men and boys are probably
the farthest behind.
一直以来对于分享私事我并不自在。九月我刚满了29岁，在我29年的人生中，对于内心世
界的任何事情都是非常保护的。对于谈论篮球我很自在，不过那是天生的。分享个人私事
是更难的，现在回忆起来过去的时光有人可以倾诉对我来说受益良多，但不管是对家人、
最好的朋友或是公众，我都不分享那些事。但今天我意识到必须做出改变了，我想要分享
一些关于恐慌发作的想法以及那之后发生的事。如果你像我一样默默的在受折磨，那你会
知道这感觉起来就像没人懂一样。一部份我想要为我自己而做，但更多促使我这么做的原
因是因为人们对于心理健康谈论的并不够多，而男人和男孩可能是最不谈论的。
I know it from experience. Growing up, you figure out really quickly how a boy
is supposed to act. You learn what it takes to “be a man.” It's like a
playbook:Be strong. Don't talk about your feelings. Get through it on your own.
So for 29 years of my life, I followed that playbook. And look, I'm probably
not telling you anything new here. These values about men and toughness are
so ordinary that they're everywhere … and invisible at the same time,
surrounding us like air or water. They're a lot like depression or anxiety in
that way.
我是从经验中学到的，成长过程中你很快会了解身为一个男孩该如何表现，你了解“像个
男人”一样需要些什么。那就像战术手册一样：坚强一点、别谈论你的感受、自己去克服
，所以29年来我都是按照这样的，而且我应该不是在说任何新鲜的事。这些关于男人和坚
韧的价值观到处都是却存在于无形之中，像空气或水一样环绕在我们身边那样，他们和忧
郁或焦虑在这方面很相似。
So for 29 years, I thought about mental health as someone else's problem. Sure,
I knew on some level that some people benefited from asking for help or opening
up. I just never thought it was for me. To me, it was form of weakness that
could derail my success in sports or make me seem weird or different.
所以29年来我把心理健康想成是其他人的问题，当然我一定程度知道有些人从求助或敞开
内心而受益，只是从来不觉得那会是我。对我来说，那是一种软弱的表现，而且可能破坏
我在运动中获得的成功，或是让我看起来很奇怪或不一样。
Then came the panic attack.
然后恐慌发作来了。
It happened during a game.
那是在一场比赛中间发生的。
It was November 5th, two months and three days after I turned 29. We were at
home against the Hawks — 10th game of the season. A perfect storm of things
was about to collide. I was stressed about issues I'd been having with my
family. I wasn't sleeping well. On the court, I think the expectations for the
season, combined with our 4–5 start, were weighing on me.
那是11月5日，满29岁之后的两个月又三天，我们在主场对上老鹰队，球季的第十场比赛，
一场完美风暴即将发生。那时因为一些家庭事务让我很有压力，睡得并不好。而在场上，
我想对这个球季的期待配上四胜五败的开局也让我觉得沉重。
I knew something was wrong almost right after tip-off.
几乎是跳球过后我立刻知道事情有些不对。
I was winded within the first few possessions. That was strange. And my game
was just off. I played 15 minutes of the first half and made one basket and
two free throws.
在前几个回合我就有些呼吸不顺，那很奇怪，而我打得很糟糕，上场了15分钟只投进一个
投篮和两个罚球。
After halftime, it all hit the fan. Coach Lue called a timeout in the third
quarter. When I got to the bench, I felt my heart racing faster than usual.
Then I was having trouble catching my breath. It's hard to describe,
but everything was spinning, like my brain was trying to climb out of my head.
The air felt thick and heavy. My mouth was like chalk. I remember our assistant
coach yelling something about a defensive set. I nodded, but I didn't hear much
of what he said. By that point, I was freaking out. When I got up to walk out
of the huddle, I knew I couldn't reenter the game — like, literally couldn't
do it physically.
半场过后灾难来了，Lue教练在第三节叫了一个站停，当回到板凳区时，我感觉心跳比平常
快，呼吸开始变得困难，那很难形容，但所有东西都在旋转，像脑袋要从头壳里面爬出去
一样，空气感觉很厚重，我的嘴巴发白，助理教练在吼著一些关于防守的事，我点头，但
没有什么听进去。当我起身走向团聚的队友，我知道没办法重新回到场上了，是真的在身
体上没有办法了。
Coach Lue came up to me. I think he could sense something was wrong. I blurted
something like, “I'll be right back,” and I ran back to the locker room. I
was running from room to room, like I was looking for something I couldn't
find. Really I was just hoping my heart would stop racing. It was like my body
was trying to say to me, You're about to die. I ended up on the floor in the
training room, lying on my back, trying to get enough air to breathe.
Lue教练走向我，我想他感觉到事情有点不对劲，我脱口而出一些像是：“我会马上回来”
之类的话，然后跑回休息室，从一个房间跑到另一个房间，像是在找一些我找不到的东西
。但其实我只是希望心跳不要再那么快了，那感觉像是身体在告诉我：“你快死了。”我
最后躺在训练室的地板上，试着呼吸足够的空气。
The next part was a blur. Someone from the Cavs accompanied me to the Cleveland
Clinic. They ran a bunch of tests. Everything seemed to check out, which was a
relief. But I remember leaving the hospital thinking,ait … then what the hell
just happened?
接下来有点印象模糊，队上的某个人陪我去克里夫兰诊所，他们做了一些测试，似乎都没
有问题，松了一口气。不过我记得离开医院的时后我想着：“等一下，所以刚到底他x的发
生了什么事？”
I was back for our next game against the Bucks two days later. We won, and I
had 32. I remember how relieved I was to be back on the court and feeling more
like myself. But I distinctly remember being more relieved than anything that
nobody had found out why I had left the game against Atlanta. A few people in
the organization knew, sure, but most people didn't and no one had written
about it.
两天后和公鹿的下一场场比赛我回到队上，我们赢了而且我得了32分，我记得能够回到场
上而且表现得像自己有多么让我松一口气。但我清楚得记得更让我松一口气的是，没有人
发现我为什么离开了对老鹰队的那场比赛。当然有几个工作人员知道，但多数人并不，而
且没有人报导这件事。
A few more days passed. Things were going great on the court, but something was
weighing on me.
几天过后，场上的一切很顺利，但有些事让我感觉沉重。
Why was I so concerned with people finding out?
为什么我那么在意被别人发现？
It was a wake-up call, that moment. I'd thought the hardest part was over after
I had the panic attack. It was the opposite. Now I was left wondering why it
happened — and why I didn't want to talk about it.
那个当下是一个警示，我会以为在恐慌发作之后最艰难的部份已经过去，但正好相反，我
开始想着为什么会发生，还有为什么不愿谈论这件事。
Call it a stigma or call it fear or insecurity — you can call it a number of
things — but what I was worried about wasn't just my own inner struggles but
how difficult it was toalk abouthem. I didn't want people to perceive me as
somehow less reliable as a teammate, and it all went back to the playbook I'd
learned growing up.
你可以叫这个现象各种名称，不管是污名化或是恐惧或是没有安全感，而我担心的不只是
我自己的内在挣扎，还有要谈论这些事有多困难。我不希望人们因此把我视为一个不那么
可靠的队友，而这一切都始于我成长过程中学到的那本战术手册。
This was new territory for me, and it was pretty confusing. But I was certain
about one thing: I couldn't bury what had happened and try to move forward.
As much as part of me wanted to, I couldn't allow myself to dismiss the panic
attack and everything underneath it. I didn't want to have to deal with
everything sometime in the future, when it might be worse. I knew that much.
这对我来说是新的领域，而且蛮令人困惑的。但我很确定一件事：我没有办法把发生过的
事情当作没发生然后就试着往前走。一部分的我想的是，我不能让自己忽视恐慌发作还有
那底下的事，我并不想在未来某个更糟的时候必须处理这些事，我知道的就这么多。
So I did one seemingly little thing that turned out to be a big thing. The
Cavs helped me find a therapist, and I set up an appointment. I gotta stop
right here and just say: I'm the last person who'd have thought I'd be seeing
a therapist. I remember when I was two or three years into the league, a
friend asked me why NBA players didn't see therapists. I scoffed at the idea.
No way any of us is gonna talk to someone. I was 20 or 21 years old, and I'd
grown up around basketball. And on basketball teams? Nobody talked about what
they were struggling with on the inside. I remember thinking, What are my
problems? I'm healthy. I play basketball for a living. What do I have to
worry about? I'd never heard of any pro athlete talking about mental health,
and I didn't want to be the only one. I didn't want to look weak. Honestly,
I just didn't think I needed it. It's like the playbook said — figure it out
on your own, like everyone else around me always had.
所以我做了一件看起来微小后来却变得重要的事，骑士队帮我找了一个心理治疗师，而我
预约了一个时间。我要在这里停下来说：“我自己是那个觉得自己最不可能会去看心理治
疗师的人。”记得刚进联盟两三年的时候，有朋友问我NBA球员会去看心理治疗师吗？我嘲
笑了那个想法：“我们之中的任何人都不可能去聊心事的。”那时候20还21岁，而我是围
绕着篮球长大的，在篮球队里面？没有人会说自己内心在挣扎些什么的，我记得当初想着
：“我有什么问题？我健康得很，我打篮球赚钱，我需要担心些什么？”我从来没听任何
职业运动员谈论过心理健康，而我不想成为唯一的一个，我不想要看起来软弱。诚实的说
那时候我就是不觉得我需要那些。就像那本战术手册说的：“像你身边每个人一样，自己
想办法克服。”
But it's kind of strange when you think about it. In the NBA, you have trained
professionals to fine-tune your life in so many areas. Coaches, trainers and
nutritionists have had a presence in my life for years. But none of those
people could help me in the way I needed when I was lying on the floor
struggling to breathe.
但当你想到的时候会觉得有点奇怪，在NBA里面，在许多方面你都会有经过训练的专家可以
帮助你，教练、训练员、营养师在我的生活中存在好多年了，但当我躺在地板上呼吸困难
时，那些人没有一个可以帮助我。
Still, I went to my first appointment with the therapist with some skepticism.
I had one foot out the door. But he surprised me. For one thing, basketball
wasn't the main focus. He had a sense that the NBA wasn't the main reason I
was there that day, which turned out to be refreshing. Instead, we talked
about a range of non-basketball things, and I realized how many issues come
from places that you may not realize until you really look into them. I think
it's easy to assume we know ourselves, but once you peel back the layers it's
amazing how much there is to still discover.
尽管如此，我第一次去找心理治疗师的时候仍半信半疑，随时准备抽身，不过他让我惊讶
了，一方面，篮球并不是主要的焦点，他有感受到NBA并不是我当天出现在那里的主要原因
，那令人眼睛一亮。取而代之的，我们谈了很多和篮球无关的事，然后我了解到有多少问
题是来自那些平常没有想过，直到仔细看才会发现的地方。假设我们了解自己是容易的，
但你一旦剥开表层之后就会惊讶的发现还有多少等著探索。
Since then, we've met up whenever I was back in town, probably a few times
each month. One of the biggest breakthroughs happened one day in December
when we got to talking about my Grandma Carol. She was the pillar of our
family. Growing up, she lived with us, and in a lot of ways she was like
another parent to me and my brother and sister. She was the woman who had
a shrine to each of her grandkids in her room — pictures, awards, letters
pinned up on the wall. And she was someone with simple values that I admired.
It was funny, I once gave her a random pair of new Nikes, and she was so
blown away that she called me to say thank you a handful of times over the
year that followed.
那之后我们就会在我回到克城的时候碰面，大概一个月几次吧。一次的重大进展发生在
12月，当我们谈到我的阿骂Carol，她是我们家族中的支柱，成长过程中她和我们住在一起
，在很多方面她都是我和我兄弟姐妹的另一个家长。她是那种在自己房间里面把每个孙子
的照片、奖状、信，都钉在墙上的阿骂。而她是个我敬仰的、价值观单纯的人。说来好笑
，有一次我给了她几双Nike鞋，而她震惊得在接下来那年打了好几次电话来说谢谢。
When I made the NBA, she was getting older, and I didn't see her as often as
I used to. During my sixth year with the T-Wolves, Grandma Carol made plans
to visit me in Minnesota for Thanksgiving. Then right before the trip, she was
hospitalized for an issue with her arteries. She had to cancel her trip. Then
her condition got worse quickly, and she fell into a coma. A few days later,
she was gone.
当我进NBA时，她已经越来越老了，而我不再那么常看见她。在灰狼队的第六年，Carol
阿骂曾经计划到明尼苏达找我过感恩节，但在出发前因为她的动脉问题而必须住院，只能
取消行程，接着情况恶化，她陷入昏迷，几天后就过世了。
I was devastated for a long time. But I hadn't really ever talked about it.
Telling a stranger about my grandma made me see how much pain it was still
causing me. Digging into it, I realized that what hurt most was not being able
to say a proper goodbye. I'd never had a chance to really grieve, and I felt
terrible that I hadn't been in better touch with her in her last years. But I
had buried those emotions since her passing and said to myself, I have to focus
on basketball. I'll deal with it later. Be a man.
很长一段时间我心力交瘁，但我完全没有提起过。告诉一个陌生人关于我阿骂的事，让我
看见这件事对我来说仍有多痛苦。深入一点挖掘，我发现伤害最深的是没能够好好说再见
，我一直没有机会好好的哀悼，而在她生命的最后几年没能够和她好好的联络让我觉得很
糟糕。但自从她过世之后我就埋葬了那些情绪并且告诉自己：“我必须要专注在篮球上，
情绪我之后会处理，像个男人吧！”
The reason I'm telling you about my grandma isn't really even about her. I
still miss her a ton and I'm probably still grieving in a way, but I wanted
to share that story because of how eye-opening it was toalk about it. In the
short time I've been meeting with the therapist, I've seen the power of saying
things out loud in a setting like that. And it's not some magical process.
It's terrifying and awkward and hard, at least in my experience so far. I
know you don't just get rid of problems by talking about them, but I've
learned that over time maybe you can better understand them and make them
more manageable. Look, I'm not saying,Everyone go see a therapist. The biggest
lesson for me since November wasn't about a therapist — it was about
confronting the fact that I needed help.
告诉你们关于我阿骂的事甚至并不是和她本人有关，我仍然很想念她、可能也还在以某种
形式哀悼，但我真的想分享这件事是因为，谈论这件事让我大开眼界。在和心理治疗师会
面的短暂时间里，我看见了在那样的环境中把事情说出来有多大的威力，而那并不是魔法
。对我来说那是既可怕又尴尬而且困难的。我了解并不是说了以后问题就会不见，但随着
时间过去我了解的是也许问题会变得更清楚也更能掌握。我并不是在说：“大家都去看心
理治疗师吧！”11月以来对我来说最大的启示并不是关于心理治疗师，而是正面面对我需
要帮助的这个事实。
One of the reasons I wanted to write this comes from reading DeMar's comments
last week about depression. I've played against DeMar for years, but I never
could've guessed that he was struggling with anything. It really makes you
think about how we are all walking around with experiences and struggles —
all kinds of things — and we sometimes think we're the only ones going
through them. The reality is that we probably have a lot in common with what
our friends and colleagues and neighbors are dealing with. So I'm not saying
everyone should share all their deepest secrets — not everything should be
public and it's every person's choice. But creating a better environment for
talking about mental health … that's where we need to get to.
想要写这篇的原因之一来自于上个礼拜DeRozan谈到忧郁症的一些话，我和他对战好几年了
，但我完全猜不到他有因为什么事情挣扎着，那真的让你想到我们每个人都带着各种经验
和挣扎，而有时我们会觉得自己是唯一在经历的人，但真相是在和问题相处上面我们大概
和我们的朋友、同事、邻居有许多共通点。所以我要说的并不是每个人都应该把心底最深
的秘密说出来，并不是每件事都应该要公开，而且这是每个人的选择。但为谈论心理健康
创造一个更好的环境，那是我们需要努力的。
Because just by sharing what he shared, DeMar probably helped some people —
and maybe a lot more people than we know — feel like they aren't crazy or
weird to be struggling with depression. His comments helped take some power
away from that stigma, and I think that's where the hope is.
DeRozan可能因为他所分享的事情而帮助了一些人，也许比我们知道的还多的人，让他们发
现在忧郁症里面挣扎的自己并不是疯了、也不奇怪。他所说的话减少了污名化的威力，而
我想那也是他所希望的。
I want to make it clear that I don't have things figured out about all of this.
I'm just starting to do the hard work of getting to know myself. For 29 years,
I avoided that. Now, I'm trying to be truthful with myself. I'm trying to be
good to the people in my life. I'm trying to face the uncomfortable stuff in
life while also enjoying, and being grateful for, the good stuff. I'm trying
to embrace it all, the good, bad and ugly.
我想澄清的是我并不是已经搞懂这些所有的事了，我才正开始努力了解我自己，29年来我
逃避了那件事，现在开始我试着对自己诚实，也试着好好对待我生命中的人，我试着面对
生命中令人不舒服的事，但同时享受和感激那些好事，我试着拥抱所有的一切，不管是好
的、坏的、丑陋的。
I want to end with something I'm trying to remind myself about these days:
Everyone is going through something that we can't see.
我想要用这些日子以来，每天试着提醒自己的事作结：每个人都在经历著一些我们看不见
的困难。
I want to write that again: Everyone is going through something that we can't
see.
我想要再写一次：每个人都在经历著一些我们看不见的困难。
The thing is, because we can't see it, we don't know who's going through what
and we don't know when and we don't always know why. Mental health is an
invisible thing, but it touches all of us at some point or another. It's part
of life. Like DeMar said, “You never know what that person is going through.”
正因为我们看不见，我们不会知道谁正在经历什么、是什么时候经历的、也并不总是知道
为什么会经历那些。心理健康是无形的东西，但在某些时刻我们每个人都会碰到，那是生
命的一部份。像DeRozan说的：“你永远不会知道那个人在经历些什么困难。”
Mental health isn't just an athlete thing. What you do for a living doesn't
have to define who you are. This is an everyone thing. No matter what our
circumstances, we're all carrying around things that hurt — and they can
hurt us if we keep them buried inside. Not talking about our inner lives robs
us of really getting to know ourselves and robs us of the chance to reach out
to others in need. So if you're reading this and you're having a hard time,
no matter how big or small it seems to you, I want to remind you that you're
not weird or different for sharing what you're going through.
心理健康并不只是运动员的事，你是什么样的人并不是被你从事的工作所定义，这是每个
人的事。不管是什么情况，我们都带着会令人受伤的事，而如果把这些事藏在心里，他们
就会造成伤害。不谈论内心世界让我们无法真的了解自己，也让我们没有机会对需要帮助
的人伸出援手。所以如果你正在看这篇文章而你过得并不好，不管对你来说看起来是多大
或多小的困难，我想要跟你说的是，分享你正在经历的事情并不奇怪、也没有不寻常。
Just the opposite. It could be the most important thing you do. It was for me.
正好相反，那可能会是你所做的最重要的事，对我来说那就是最重要的事。