ll find a cycle here. A repeated pattern of whatever behavior you discover. It
’s like a person with addiction: this is a habit pattern of dealing with
difficult feelings and situations, and it’s not only a go-to pattern, it’s
one they (feel that) they can’t escape.
11. Haters deserve mercy and love and forgiveness. The stabbed nurse can’t
hate the patient. That only hurts the nurse. If you fight with them, you
validate their false sense of victimhood or further hatred. They need love,
and help, though ideally, from someone else, and hopefully, far, far away.
12. Haters of a feather flock together. Don’t mess with people who mess with
people that you have learned not to mess with. Haters need support to sustain
the justification for their behavior, lack of character, and just the really
sad fact that they have engaged in hating. So they will figure out a way to
gather as many people to their “side” as possible. But those people are
either (also) being deceived, or, more likely, enjoy the hating. They may
even like the fact that they can support the hating without actually getting
their own hands dirty.
In time, they may discover that they were deceived or were wrong, but you
have to let them go just like the haters. This is how some people feel that
they have to be in order to make their way in the world, especially when it
comes to money. It’s hard, but that’s where they’re at.
13. Every leader has a bucket full of tears they have cried over the things
that haters do. That’s gonna be my book title lol: “A Bucket Full of Tears:
Journeys in Leadership.”
14. Let it hurt. Don’t try to not be hurt. Don’t try to not have your heart
broken by people. No, let that pain be open.
15. Hate is all they’ve got. People turn to hating when they don’t have joy
and happiness and healthy challenge. Over time, the hate takes them over. You
can let them have their hate. No, it’s not good for them or anyone. But if it
’s what they need to get through whatever it is they’re going through, you
can let them have it.
16. It’s okay to egg on the haters. Look, we’re talking here about people
projecting their own problems onto you. Likely, you didn’t go after them.
Well, there’s nothing wrong with a rap battle, now, is there? It’s good. It
challenges people to produce and grow and create. It’s good for them, and it
can be good for you, too.
17. You created the hate. It’s true. Look, light cannot exist without
darkness. By not being what they demanded you be, by being true to yourself,
it’s almost as if you’re saying to the Universe: “Come. Test me on this.”
And the Universe obliges. This was the lesson of every great spiritual leader
’s life: by being something, you draw a line between yourself and those who
are not that thing. Even if all you did was say “I stand for a better burger,
” the guy who doesn’t want there to be a better burger is gonna have an
issue with that. It’s okay. That’s how you identify who wants to stand for
a better burger with you. Haters are how you discover you’re tribe.
18. Let the haters tell you what to do. You are most DEFINITELY projecting
onto the haters as well. The best thing you can do is dialogue with them on
paper or in your own mind and ask them what you should do. They might tell
you to clean up your act. The hater in your mind might be like “outperform
me.” Listen to what the hater says to you in your head, and dialogue back.
If they’re not in the room with you, then we’re only talking about a part
of your psyche, and you’re relationship with that part of yourself is all
that matters.
19. Haters make you into the leader you want to be. So prepare: there will
likely be more.
20. Haters, and their support networks, are trapped in shame. Shame is the
hallmark of the hater — they are ashamed they aren’t as X as you, they know
their hating is wrong, those who support and enable them know they are
behaving unethically as well — they have so many reasons for shame as do we
all. But a hater’s shame is deeper. What produces haters is a belief that if
they’re not better than others, they should be ashamed. You will almost
always find a childhood rife with shame or shaming. It’s really the key to
understanding haters and everyone connected with them. Deep shame, y’all.
Hating is usually an attempt by those riddled with shame to publicly shame
someone else.
21. The whole world is watching. When haters try to take someone down, the
whole world steps back and watches to see what everyone does. (This is one of
the types of sunshine that causes haters to hide.) The world — whatever
small world the haters think they run — stands back to see if there’s
substance to the hatred. If the haters bring you down, then we call them
something other than haters. But if you survive, everyone forever knows that
it was just tired, sad, old-school hatin’.
22. When they don’t bring you down, you just move to the next level. It’s
kind of amazing. Like they literally will propel you to greater success.
Imagine a state senator, and some people in the state senate try to destroy
her reputation. They try to scandalize her, they shred her behind her back,
they steal from her or lie about her, they try to get as many people as
possible to join them in their crusade. Maybe there’s hearings. If they
bring her down, the world sees it as just. But if they DON’T bring her down
… hey, guess who just got short-listed to run for the US Congress. Like
haters fail, and their failure proves that it was just hate, and that really,
you’re ready for far more than they could throw at you.
23. Haters can’t strategize. Hate blinds you, it makes you act irrationally,
so they’re not really a threat. They can’t think long-term (no one who does
ever engages in hating). They don’t see a bigger picture. They are not as
strong as you might think they are. Still though: watch your back.
24. Haters, and those who support them, can’t get anywhere in life until
they go back and fix the damage they’ve caused. If their cause was just,
they would go about it the right way, not by hating. If those who support
them had good motives, they would demand sunshine on the whole situation and
the right ways of dealing with conflict. So these haters can’t follow you
where you’re going. Likely, they can’t even keep up.
25. Haters can cause a lot of damage, but they won’t actually create
anything significant on their own (unless they stop hating). It’s like the
old Freemason lesson, where one is asked how long it takes to build a
building and how much skill (long and a lot) versus how long and how much
skill to tear something down (not much at all). Haters are mostly trying to
make a big splash, or to appear to be on par. Look at it like this: there’s
only two ways to be as big of a deal as a president. You can spend you’re
whole life working your butt off to develop yourself into something amazing…
or you can shoot the president. Haters are like presidential assassins —
they think they can achieve through destruction what can only be achieved
through creation.
26. Don’t tolerate haters in your life or world, and don’t be friends or
trust anyone who does. You can’t transplant cancer. If someone hates on
people regularly, when they come into your life they will make it out like
those other people were bad, but they love you. This is false. And just
because people aren’t openly hating, if they’re comfortable being in
relationship with people who do, they are actually worse, because their
motives aren’t hate — they profit from the hate in some other way. I now
know I was wrong to think that haters who hated on others wouldn’t come to
hate me. This is a naive mistake for a leader.
27. Focus on your Lovers. Haters can DRAIN you — you’ve got to put your
focus on those who love you instead. And as soon as the haters are out of
your life, all those people who loved you or wanted to or thought they might
but stayed away because of the haters’ games will come out of the WOODWORK.
28. Haters usually hate demographics, not just individuals. They will claim
they don’t, but you will find bias against groups of people here somewhere.
It might not be as bad as racism or homophobia, but it will be akin to it.
Hatin’ is a way of life. No one just accidentally does it.
29. Look for who the Players are. When 50 Cent went after Ja Rule, he wasn’t
hating. It looked like it, but he was making a cold calculated move. He knew
that taking on Ja Rule was a great opportunity, a win-win for him, and a
lose-lose for Ja Rule. Unless you’re a rapper, that’s not an approach I
recommend in life or business, but if you observe your haters you may
discover that one of them or their supporters doesn’t hate at all: they
might actually have an incentive. In business this is usually money or
status. Keep your eyes on the Players, or keep your eye out for them. But
most likely… there are no players. There is no strategy. Just hurting people
bumbling through the difficulty of being alive.
30. Haters can’t acknowledge that they’ve been wrong. If you ask them when
the last time they did wrong and acknowledged it and made it right, they will
say “I try not to ever hurt people” or some other such excuse. They lack
the ability to say “Hey, I was wrong here. And my motives were wrong, and I
want your forgiveness. Will you forgive me? And how can I make it right?” No
hater has ever said those words. What should separate you from haters is that
you can say it easily.
31. Haters and their supporters do not want healing and reconciliation. They
do not want healthy relationships — they want relationships where they have
disproportionate and unearned power over others. Also, hatin’s too tasty,
and their egos are too stiff.
32. It sucks to be a hater or to be in relationship with them. Have pity, and
try to show kindness. Fight for what you believe in, not against people who
are hurting. Thank God every day that you are not on their path.
33. The rest of the world knows more about the situation than you do. People
who are levels above you are watching it, they watch you grow, they watch you
hurt, and they’ve probably watched you be stupid, too. They may gently try
to guide you, but they won’t say much. They don’t need to. If they’re at a
level above you — in life, development, business, leadership, whatever —
they’ve had haters, too.
34. When haters are mixed in with your lovers, you get a warped sense of
both. You’ll feel things and think it’s universal. But haters change the
way you interact with your lovers. Once you can spot the difference, all your
relationships change. Now you have something more powerful than hate: you
have genuine loyalty and love.