“Reframe your idea of helicoptering being the opposite of neglectful. Helicoptering by narcissistic parents is neglect.
What your parent does when helicoptering and being overbearing is NOT being preoccupied with you - it's being preoccupied with THEIR needs being met through your actions. You're just an object of fulfilment to their needs. They let you believe they're being "parenting" and "caring" because 1) that's yet another source of narcissistic supply for their ego and 2) so that they can fool you into trusting them (so that they'll obtain their supply). Double-win for them.
Parents who are junkies and parents who are narcs are both addicted and NOT caring to their children, because their addiction comes first. In the case of junkies, that addiction is quite simply drugs. In the case of narcissists, the addiction is your performance. In BOTH cases, they don't give a hoot about your actual needs, only insofar as it affects their fix. In the case of the narcissist, however, it's a different dynamic because you're an immediate possible source for their fix.”