For anyone who is stuck with his past, I recommend Charlie's Emtional Mastery Porgramme. I started this course around 3 years ago and got some insights about emotions. I started to write emotional reflections and digged out some emotional triggers. I felt some of my chains were falling off and I started to feel free. However, I stopped the journey 因为我要准备国考 but I think one day I will come back to it.
I just redid the audio meditation from that programme. Then I found out that I tie up my identity with the idea that "I need to overtake my sister.' I have no idea where this thought comes from. Maybe overtaking my sister means I can get my mom's love. Or, I simply like competing. But now I am too tired to continue the meditation. 这个月还要找时间申报所得税，天啊我没有时间