"好几年前那么年轻的我"
过了好几年，变老了吗？
我在社会上多滚了几年，从菜鸟变成老鸟
从喜欢骑车冲快抢第一，到乖乖靠边骑被买菜阿伯超车
我想，我可能也变老了。
但，有些地方，却似乎没变。
Time can't change everything.
Some things just don't age.
They grow.
* * *
以前，我什么没有，时间最多
不需要为生活烦心，没有物质上的压力
所以，有大把的心力，可以缅怀过去，可以花个把小时只为了雕砌一句话
是因为这样，我才会那么多愁善感吗？
是因为这样，我才一直放不下过去吗？
Absolutely not.
忙碌的现实生活，只能让我的肉体变得无力，却不能改变我的心。
见过更多的世面之后，胆子变大，脸皮变厚，神经变粗，
但当某些点被触到的时候，
我知道，
我从来没变过。
我只是跟仙水一样，
若有需要，便多一个样貌，以适应不同的情境，生存下去。
* * *
我老了吗？
Yes, and no.
I'm Pisces, there are two of us.
One ages, one doesn't.
But the truth is, being immune to age is .. sad.
No one stays with you, people are all decades away.
No one shares your memory, they are now all forgotten stories.
It's a lonely, shady world; no one knows, no one cares.
Except myself.
* * *
Now I'm in the mood, fully.
* * *
Turned on 花水月 again.
Actually it doesn't suit our case,
we've never been together, not for a second.
There is no smile for me, not as a sweet heart.
We never hand in hand, and there is no theme song for us.
Yet I like it, both the melody and lyrics,
and the world it leads me into.
Yeah I know the brutal fact,
but I still enjoy it as if we had a story.
You never know how hard this darn music can make me cry.
Now the pure music version comes to play,
and it touches me as much as the song, if not more.
Mortals age, I can't even imagine your face after these years.
My memory stays at your early 20s, and now we're at late 30s.
Doesn't matter I guess, I don't think we gonna meet again.
* * *
Am I getting old?
If I think exactly the same as twenty five years ago,
am I getting old?
That night, I was still a kid,
yet I knew,
I knew as much as I know now.
Nothig really changed since.
I wish I could really forget them, but I can't.
* * *
Alright, maybe I was not serious.
I don't really mean it, the forget part.
You don't really want to forget your love
simply because of the pain comes with it.
It's your love, not necessarily your happiness.
* * *
It's just .. too much to carry. I mean too much.
I know they will live with me for the rest of my life,
and the best I can do is..
let time blur everything.
I envy people who forget, who get effected by time.
Time is of no help to me, or even worse, time denses them.
That's why I always try to avoid touching anything about them,
pretending they don't exist.
From the second I figured out I can't get rid of the love,
I've been suppressing it, and suffering the consequence since then.
Yet,
it's the love made me who I am, taught me what I'm capable of now.
It can be ignored, can be sealed, can be blurred,
but it will always be there, for ever.
* * *
Am I getting old?
Mortals do, love doesn't.