[分享] 你知道你的例子,可能只发展了一半吗?

楼主: robert416 (萝卜)   2020-08-05 16:44:03
看此篇文章前,建议同学先看同样关于写作的另外三篇文章:
1. 你的写作发展方向是对的吗?https://reurl.cc/4Rzkrj
2. 如何让口说写作发展例子更贴切?https://reurl.cc/Wdp5Rk
3. 如何让例子更具体?https://reurl.cc/yZxpYl
看同学作文除了发展方向错误、例子不贴切具体,另外也常发现的一个问题
是对于主题句的发展只有一半。以下直接分享两个同学的例子,同学可以先
站在考官的角度看一下有什么问题,再看下面的解析喔!
题目:A/D: For success in school and work, the ability to adapt or
adjust to a changing condition or circumstance is more important
than having excellent knowledge of a job or a field to
study.20120923NA
A同学第三个论点:
Last but not least, good reputation is a key to success in school
and work, and the ability to adapt to a changing condition can let
people gain a good reputation. For example, once our basketball
team was on a winning streak but suddenly we lost 5 games in a
row. Unlike our teammates who were all frustrated, I started to
watch videos of our games and tried to find out what our problems
were, and later our teammates were impressed about my hard work
and findings. As a result, I became a person of good reputation in
the team.
以主题句来说,例子发展的部分应该包含:
1) 怎样适应环境而获得了good reputation?
2) 因此而怎样成功的例子?
可以发现同学只发展了第一个部分:怎样适应环境而获得了good
reputation, 但是对于第二部分怎样带来成功没有解释、发展到。应该要继
续说明所以因此我们之后的比赛胜率提升了几成吗?还是下学期我就被选为
球队队长?没有写到的话变成只发展了一半。
再看看下一个例子。
题目是 It’s easier for people to get educated today than people
did in the past.
B同学的第二论点:
Secondly, people nowadays are wealthier than people in the past,
and being rich can make people get educated more easily. For
instance, if people have more money, people can easily afford the
tuition and fees for school. In addition, people also can pay
extra money to take more classes. Therefore, people can fulfill
the minimum requirement of studying in a school. On the other
hand, people were poor in the past, so they might not have the
ability to afford the tuition and fees. Furthermore, they may live
in a bad environment such as place lack of light for study. As a
result, people cannot go to school to study and have to go to work
to earn money for living.
要发展的方向应该要包含:
1) 现代人怎样比以前人有钱?
2) 有钱为何比较容易受教育?
可以看到这位同学例子直接说现代人如果比较有钱,就能够负得起学杂费,
甚至可以加选更多课程。但是并没有解释到为何现代人比较有钱呢?没有解
释到的话可能很难说服读者。可以很简单的带一下现代人平均薪水较高,所
以比以前人有钱,就能负得起学杂费等等,而因此比较容易有机会受教育。
针对第一部分有解释到会比较完整!
所以同学在写作的时候不妨注意一下例子发展是否完整,建议同学考试的话
可以留2-3分钟重头检查一遍,重看一遍比较能察觉出差别,如果发现那边
少了还来得及补。
Cheers,
J2
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