大家好，
我是SK2的Rosa。
今天想和同学聊聊redundancy，意即把两个或多个意思相近或相同的字放在
一起的“赘词，冗语”。
同学在写英文作文时，常常会犯redundancy的问题，导致句子太长，而且句
意不清楚。
因此，接下来请同学改写以下的句子，试着把句子变成更精简。
建议你准备一个纸笔，也可以直接把题目印下来做。
注意，改写句子没有绝对的标准答案。
你可以思考要如何让句意更清楚？有没有不必要或是重复的资讯？怎样表达
会更简洁？
1. I took a chance to have a chat with the interns.
2. I have always been a person who likes to procrastinate.
3. It would be a high possibility for me to become rich at the end of
2019.
4. In 2018, I usually wake up at 9:00 AM, and arrived at my office at
10:30 AM, which was quite late.
5. I have to work until 8:00 PM or even much later to get my work
done, which was terribly inefficient.
6. The paper has been done but not published or presented.
7. There are three major goals that I want to achieve.
8. My weight was increased ten kilograms.
9. I want to enhance my academic performance. This is because I want
to apply for an exchange program in the future.
10. The reason is that I care about efficiency, and good time
management allows me to do things efficiently.
11. A vivid example is that my mother had a dinner party with her
co-workers last month.
12. I will get an interest to play basketball every day.
13. I took a part-time job in a company and become its intern.
14. I can save more money that can cover my daily expenses when I
study abroad.
15. I can meet some scholars that have experiences study in the
same subject as me.
16. The majority of people choose world peace as their New Year’s
Resolution.
17. He was a really busy man, and he didn’t have any time to
spend with his family, and it made his family feel like strangers
to him.
18. I am a person who is easily nervous, and listening or learning
music enables me to relieve my pressure and anxiety.
19. I am an English major student.
20. If I wake up at 8:00 AM, I need to go to university in class
immediately.
接着，再看以下的参考拟答。
1. I took a chance to have a chat with the interns.
I chatted with the interns.
虽然在中文里，我们会说“把握机会聊天”，但是在托福写作
里，句子尽量简单清楚，因此，这题可以不用两者都说，选一个最重要的说
就可以了。此外，比起名词，动词会更具体，可以用动词就尽量用动词。
2. I have always been a person who likes to procrastinate.
I always like to procrastinate.
这题，同学很喜欢表达“我是个....的人”，
用中文想很顺，但是变成英文就会显得很冗长。其实，可以直接说你的特性:
“ 你喜欢...”，“你很...”，例如：I am lazy. 会更简洁。
3. It would be a high possibility for me to become rich at the end of
2019.
I would likely become rich at the end of 2019.
同理，possibility可以用likely表达，请同学优先使用动词，再来是形容词或是
副词，最后才会用到名词，因为动词会是最具体、清楚而且简洁的。
4. In 2018, I usually wake up at 9:00 AM, and arrive at my office at
10:30 AM, which was quite late.
In 2018, I usually wake up at 9, but arrive late for work at 10:30.
建议同学练习用副词，尽量不要使用SVO,which VO.的句型。因为这样的修饰语
只能够修饰前面最靠近的受词，当你观念不清楚却使用此句型时，通常都会用错。
5. I have to work until 8:00 PM or even much later to get my work
done, which was terribly inefficient.
I need more time to get things done, working inefficiently
until 8:00 PM or later.
副词尽量接在动词后面，句意会更清楚。
6. The paper has been done but not published or presented.
I finished the paper but have not yet published it.
尽量少用被动，因为被动不只不清楚还容易过于冗长。这里改成主动会更清楚。
7. There are three major goals that I want to achieve.
I want to achieve three major goals.
请同学尽量少用There is N.的句型。第一、这个句型里面强调的只有名词，
会不够清楚也不具体。第二、通常喜欢用There is N.的同学会使用太频繁，
整篇文章中重复出现太多次这个句型，不只不清楚，还显得你句型没有变化。
如果可以把句子改成SVO.会更好，因为SVO.的句型里面有动词，会更清楚。
8. My weight was increased ten kilograms.
I gained ten kilograms.
一样，少用被动。
9. I want to enhance my academic performance. This is because I want
to apply for an exchange program in the future.
I want to enhance my academic performance to apply
for an exchange program in the future.
第二句话有目的，因此，可以直接用To V表目的。此外，在托福作
文中，尽量不要使用This is because，因为会太口语化，宁愿使用SVO
because SVO. 或是SVO. After all, SVO. 都会更好。
10.The reason is that I care about efficiency, and good time
management allows me to do things efficiently.
After all, I care about efficiency, and good time management allows
me to do things efficiently.
尽量不要使用The reason is that…, a good example is
that…的句型。因为这样的句型里面强调的是名词。当你把所有动作都放在
that子句里时，会没那么清楚。建议可以改成副词加SVO的句型，例如：
Apparently, SVO. 。
11. A vivid example is that my mother had a dinner party with her co-
workers last month.
For example, my mother had a dinner party with her co-workers
last month.
同上题。
12. I will get an interest to play basketball every day.
I will be interested in playing basketball every day.
动词优先于形容词，形容词优先于名词。
13. I took a part-time job in a company and become its intern.
I took a part-time job as an intern in Google.
可以直接想一个公司的名字，例如Google, Facebook，如此一来，不只更简短，
也能够更具体、 更有说服力。
14. I can save more money that can cover my daily expenses when I
study abroad.
With my savings, I will be able to cover daily expenses
when studying abroad.
这里用that子句来修饰money句意会怪怪的。可以使用SVO来表达
主要的句意(cover daily expenses），其他比较不重要的句意（save money）
可放在介系词词组里面。
15. I can meet some scholars that have experiences study in the same
subject as me.
I can meet scholars in the same field.
同上，可用介系词词组表达次要的句意(same field)。
16. The majority of people choose world peace as their New Year’s
Resolution.
Most people choose world peace as their New Year’s Resolution.
The majority of 改成Most，会更清楚。
17. He was a really busy man, and he didn’t have any time to
spend with his family, and it made his family feel like strangers
to him.
He was too busy to spend much time with his family,
becoming estranged.
可以用SVO, Ving. 表达因果关系。Ving的句型可以修饰整句话。
18. I am a person who is easily nervous, and listening or learning
music enables me to relieve my pressure and anxiety.
I am easily nervous, and music enables me to relax.
同第二题。
19. I am an English major student.
I major in English.
major当动词会更清楚。
20. If I wake up at 8:00 AM, I need to go to university in class
immediately.
If I wake up at 8:00 AM, I need to go to class immediately.
go to university 和 go to class意思差不多，两者都使用，会过于重复，
请选择一个最重要的句意表达。这里应该是指去上学、而非唸大学，所以直接
用go to class就可以了。
最后，提醒同学，一刚开始练习作文时很可能无法注意到冗言赘字的问题。
因此，建议同学，写完作文后，可以过两天再自己重新读一遍，思考哪个地
方可以写得更简短。此外，也要记得多看别人的作文。当你多思考要怎么写
更好，也有更多机会去改写别人的句子时，就能够慢慢让你的作文变得简单
清楚。
祝同学都能够从练托福作文中找到写作的乐趣以及信心！
Warm Regards,
SK2 Rosa ^_______^