Keyon Dooling
不知道大家记不记得这个球员，以前曾在很多球队担任二号控球，
最近Dooling在Player Tribune上分享了他不堪回首的过去，刚好
最近在练习英文，就顺手来翻译一下。
文章有点长，还请大家耐心看完，有错误帮忙纠正，感谢。
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https://www.theplayerstribune.com/en-us/articles/keyon-dooling-the-ghost
Running from a Ghost
逃离心魔
Keyon Dooling
It was my second day in the mental institution, and I was suffering from
paranoid delusions and shivering in the fetal position. All of a sudden, the
nurse came into my room and told me that I had a visitor.
这是我在精神病院第二天所发生的事情，我被迫害妄想症折磨著并且像胎儿一样卷曲著
发抖。突然，护士走进来告诉我说有我的访客。
The guy walked in the room, and the look in his eyes said it all.
He wasn’t looking at me like, Keyon’s lost his damn mind.
He wasn’t looking at me like, Keyon’s a psychopath.
He was looking at me like, Keyon, what’s going on? What can I do to help, my
friend?
It was Doc Rivers.
I will remember that look for the rest of my life.
那人走进房间，他的眼神说明了一切
在他眼里我并不是疯了
在他眼里我并不是神经病
他的眼神就像是 - 朋友，你怎么了？我该怎么帮你？
那人是老河
我会永远记得他的眼神
When Doc heard that I had committed myself to the hospital, he flew up to
Boston to see me, all the way from his summer house in Florida, at the drop
of a hat. I can’t imagine what he must have thought, seeing me like that.
Doc asked me what was really going on. Just like he had asked me so many
times before. Just like my wife had been asking me. Just like everybody close
to me had been asking me.
He said, “Keyon, do you want to tell me something? What happened, son?”
I said, “I don’t know, Doc.”
I was lying, of course.
老河一知道我进了医院，他毫不犹豫立刻从Florida飞到Boston来看我，我无法想像
他看到我这个样子的时候是在想什么。
他说：Keyon，你有什么话想跟我说吗？我能帮你什么？
我说：我也不知道，Doc。
当然，我在说谎。
A week before, I had walked into Danny Ainge’s office and told him that I
was done with basketball. Out of the blue, just like that. Done.
It didn’t make any sense. We had just lost to Miami in seven games in the
2012 Eastern Conference finals. I had just signed a new $1.4 million
contract. We were a month away from training camp. I was in amazing shape, on
the outside at least. Inside, I was falling apart.
My two-year-old son K.J. was with me. I took him along, because he loved
coming to the gym with me. I remember holding him in my arms and telling
Danny that I was done. I was telling Danny a whole lot of other things, too.
Really paranoid, off-the-wall things. I was ranting about God and about the
darkness all around us. Eventually, Danny made a phone call. A couple minutes
later, two of my best friends on the team appeared in the doorway.
一周前，我走进Ainge的办公室并告诉他我的篮球生涯结束了。很突然，但就结束了。
这很不寻常。我们才刚在2012东决激战七场输给热火，我才刚签了1.4m的新合约，我
们再一个月就要开始训练营了。我的身型保持得很棒，至少外在看起来；但内在，我
完全崩溃了。
我带着两岁儿子KJ一起，因为他喜欢跟我一起进体育馆。我记得我把他抱在怀里，然
后跟安吉说着我玩完了。我还跟安吉说了很多其他事，一些非常偏执不寻常的话，我
一直怨天尤人。最后，安吉打了一通电话，两分钟后，两个我在队上最要好的队友出
现在门边。
It was Rajon Rondo and Avery Bradley. They were super calm, and they did
their best to get to me relax. Rajon took my son from me and told me they
were going to show him around the facility. Then Avery walked me out to his
car and told me he was going to drive me back home.
On the ride home, I started calling everybody in my phone — literally every
number from the top — and pleading with them to find God.
I was screaming, “We’ve got to come to the Lord!”
是Rondo跟AB。他们非常的冷静，他们尽他们所能地帮助我放松。Rondo带我儿子离开
并告诉我要带他去看看设施。AB则带我走向他的车，并告诉我要带我回我家。
再回家的路上，我开始打给每个通讯录上的人，从第一笔开始的每个号码，然后请求
他们找出神。
“我们必须去见主”我大喊。
Everyone probably thought that I had lost my mind. Everyone except for Avery,
Rajon, Danny, Doc and my wife, Natosha. Sometimes a look says everything, you
know what I mean? Sometimes a look means more than words.
Avery, Rajon, Danny, Doc, my wife … they all gave me the same look. In their
eyes, I didn’t see judgement or fear. I only saw kindness and confusion.
They just wanted to help me, because they knew that something terrible must
have happened to the man they knew.
I will never forget that feeling of support. It saved my life. They kept
saying, “It’s gonna be O.K. Let’s just get you some help.”
A few days later, I checked myself into a mental institution in Boston. I was
put in a little room on the bottom floor — the area where they kept the most
severe cases. Outside the door, I could hear all these people screaming and
crying. I could feel the weight of suffering all around me. It was like a
horror movie.
每个人大概都觉得我疯了。每个人，除了AB、Rondo、安吉、老河跟我老婆。有时候
一个眼神你就知道其他人在想什么了，他们甚至不用说任何话我都知道。
AB、Rondo、安吉、老河、我老婆，他们都给我同样的眼神。在他们眼里我没看到任
何批判跟害怕，我只看到仁慈跟困惑。他们只想帮我，因为他们知道这个他们都认识
的男人一定发生了什么可怕的事。
我永远不会忘记那个被帮助的感觉。他们救了我，他们持续的说“你会没事的我会
帮你”
几天后，我进入Boston的一家精神病院，我被安置在底层的一间房间，那是他们用来
安置最严重病情的区域。我可以听到门外其他人在尖叫或是大哭；我可以感受到沉重
的痛苦围绕着我，这就像恐怖片一样。
A lot of this was a blur, almost like a bad dream, because I was having
paranoid delusions and hallucinations. But at one point I remember thinking
very clearly:
How in the world did you get here?
You.
You, who came from nothing.
You, who made it to the very top of your field.
The NBA star.
The American dream.
You are trapped in a nightmare. You are a caged animal now.
I broke down weeping, and I asked God to help me.
After a few hours, I convinced the nurses that I was well enough to be moved
up a few floors, to a nicer room with a window. I remember the next morning,
the sunlight was streaming in, and I huddled against the window so that I
could feel the warmth on my face. And I thought, At least I’m out of hell
now.
很多这些记忆都很模糊，就像噩梦一样，因为我有迫害妄想与幻觉。但我记得有一瞬间
我非常清楚的想着：
是什么让你在这里的？
你，
是那个从无到有的你，
达到自己领域的最高层级的你，
一个NBA球星，
一个美国梦，
你陷入了一个梦靥，你是一个被笼子困住的动物。
我哭爆了，然后我祈祷上帝帮助我。
过了几个小时，我说服护士我好多了，可以搬到高一点的楼层，换个好一点有窗户的房
间。我记得第二天早上阳光射入时，我挤在窗户旁边，就是为了让我的脸可以感受到阳
光的温暖。然后我想着，至少，我逃出地狱了。
Later that day, Doc came to see me, and I just decided that I’d finally had
enough. I’d run away from the ghosts for so long, and they finally caught up
to me in that room. I faced the truth, for the first time in my life.
Doc said, “Is there anything you want to talk about?”
I said, “Yes.”
“What’s going on, son?”
“Something bad happened to me when I was a kid. Real bad. I blocked it out.
And now it’s all coming back, Doc.”
当天晚一点后，老河就来看我了，而我决定是时候了，我一直持续在逃离心魔，而他们
最后还是在那房间里抓住我。我必须面对现实了，我人生中第一次。
河：“你有什么想要跟我聊聊吗？”
我：“对。”
“发生什么事了？”
“我小的时候发生了一件事，非常糟糕的事。我把这件事阻挡在我脑海外，而现在，他
又浮现在我的脑海里”
I was seven years old. It was a real gloomy summer day in Ft. Lauderdale, and
I was on my way to the elementary school playground to shoot hoops with my
best friend. We were about halfway there when the clouds got dark. I had two
whole dollars on me. I was balling out that day. So we decided to go to the
corner store and get two sodas and wait for the rain to pass.
On our way back to the playground, it started really pouring. We were getting
soaked. Just as we were walking past some apartment buildings, this kid
shouted out to us from the window, “Hey, what you doing? Come outta the rain
and hang out in here for a while.”
I knew him. He was a friend of my older brother. He was about 14, and he
seemed cool. I mean, every older kid seems cool when you’re seven. So we
went inside the apartment, and we were chilling for a while. All the adults
were at work, so we were listening to hip-hop and going around in a circle
trying to freestyle.
当时我才七岁，那是一个夏日的阴天，而我跟我最好的朋友正在赶去国小球场投篮的路
上，我们走到一半的时候云就开始变黑。我身上有两块钱，我很有钱，所以我们决定去
转角喝两杯汽水顺便等雨停。
在我们回去球场的路上，雨整个开始狂下，我们都湿透了。正当我们走过一间公寓时，
一个小孩从窗户叫住我们，“嘿，你们在干嘛？别淋雨了，来我这边玩一下！”
我认识他，他是我哥的朋友。他大概14岁，看起来酷酷的，当你只有七岁的时候只要比
你大的小孩看起来都很酷。所以我们走进公寓里一起玩。当时所有的大人都在工作，所
以我们自己在家听一些饶舌歌，然后围在一起freestyle。
Then, all of a sudden, the older kid turned on the TV, and he started playing
a porn video. It didn’t freak me out because I had older brothers, and I had
seen their magazines and stuff. I was too young to really “get it,” but I
got it, you know what I mean?
When the scene got to the end, the older kid pointed to the screen and said,
“You know, I can do that too.”
He started making me and my friend touch him. And then he forced us to
perform oral sex on him. I didn’t know what to think or what was going on. I
was just confused, and angry. I was a kid.
When it was all over, I ran out the door and got out of there as fast as
possible. I didn’t even look behind me for my friend, because I was just too
scared. When I got home, I didn’t tell a soul what happened. I was too
embarrassed and ashamed. I just got in the shower and started crying. And I
kept crying and crying.
然后，突然，那位大哥哥转开电视，他开始放一些A片。我觉得这没什么，因为我有一个
哥哥，我也看过他有A书与一些收藏。我当时还小，不觉得有什么好看，但我知道那些东
西。
最后，这位大哥哥指著萤幕并且说：“你们知道吗，这些我也会喔。”
他开始叫我跟我的朋友摸他，然后他强迫我们帮他口交。我根本不知道该想什么或是发生
什么事。我只是很困惑、很生气。我还只是个小孩。
当事情结束时，我用最快的速度跑出他家，我太害怕了，甚至没有回头看我的朋友。当我
回到家时，我没有告诉任何人发生了什么事。我感到太尴尬太羞耻了。我只是冲去浴室，
然后开始哭，然后一直哭，一直哭。
I kept thinking, We just wanted to play basketball. Why did this happen?
I remember when I finally got out of the shower and I didn’t have any tears
left in me, I got dressed and went outside and I threw my bike down on the
grass. Back in the day, the handlebars were hollow and they had that thick
rubber grip protecting them. I cut open the rubber on the right handlebar so
I could hide something inside. My father was a florist, and he kept all kinds
of knives around the house. I took one of his small blades, and I slid it
inside the handlebar, then I covered the hole back up.
I got on my bike, and I went riding around the neighborhood.
On that day, something inside me changed.
I woke up that morning as the most happy-go-lucky kid in the world. Always
dancing, always playing hide-and-seek and freeze-tag in the neighborhood.
Always saying hello to everybody. Always smiling.
When I got on that bike with my knife, I locked away all my feelings deep
down inside. I told myself, at seven years old: You have to be tough. You
have to be so tough that nobody can ever hurt you.
我一直想着，我们只是要打篮球，为什么会变成这样？
我记得当我最后走出浴室时我把眼泪都哭干了。我穿好衣服然后走出门，我把我的自行
车丢在草地上。当时候，车的把手都是空心的，上面有厚厚的塑胶保护着。我把右边把
手的塑胶柄剪开以让我可以藏东西进去。我爸爸是花店师傅，他在家里四处都放著各种
刀子。我拿了其中一把小刀藏进了手把里，再把洞盖起来。
我骑上我的车，在附近绕来绕去。
那天，我心里某个地方变了。
今天早上起床时本来还是世界上最快乐最幸运的小孩。总是在附近跳舞、玩躲猫猫跟红
绿灯，总是跟大家打招呼，总是笑瞇瞇的。
但现在我骑上我装有刀子的车时，我把我所有的感觉深深地锁进心理。我告诉七岁的我
自己：你必须要很强悍，你必须强悍到没有人可以伤害你。
After that day, I had a huge chip on my shoulder, and huge secret in my
heart. My childhood was effectively over.
By 10, I was drinking.
By 11, I was smoking weed.
By 12, my friends and I were riding around in stolen cars.
By 13, I was having sex with older girls in the neighborhood.
I was compensating for the anxiety and fear that I had to keep suppressed. I
channeled all my rage and anger into sports. I had to show everybody that I
was strong. That I was an alpha. That I was nobody to mess with.
I stayed locked inside my thoughts, so I got incredibly good at visualizing
my future. I would be at the park playing ball, and my dreams of being in the
NBA would be so vivid and real. It was how I would cope. Whenever my anxiety
would flair up and I would get a flash of that trauma, I would suppress it
with alcohol, or with women, or with competition.
For 25 years, I didn’t tell a soul what had happened to me. I went to the
University of Missouri. I went to the NBA. I married the girl I went to prom
with, and we had four children. And if you asked anybody in the league, they’
d all tell you the same thing: “Keyon Dooling is a stand-up guy.”
Then, in September 2012, right as I was about to begin my 13th year in the
NBA, I walked into a bathroom at a nice steakhouse in downtown Seattle, and I
saw a ghost.
那天过后，我一直怀恨在心，我心里一直有个大秘密。我的童年切实地结束了。
10岁，我喝酒。
11岁，我抽大麻。
12岁，我跟我朋友开着偷来的车。
13岁，我跟附近大姊姊打炮。
我正在补偿我压抑的焦虑与恐惧。我把所有的怒气转而投向运动。我必须让每个人都知
道我很强壮，我是老大，我是没有可以惹的起的。
我一直把自己锁在思绪中，所以我变得非常善于想象我的未来。我会在公园打球，而我
进入NBA的梦想变得鲜明与生动。这就是我的应对方式。每当我的焦虑加剧我会有一瞬间
感到创伤，我会压抑他，透过酒精，透过女人，透过竞争。
25年来，我不曾告诉任何人发生了什么事情。我进了密苏里大学，进了NBA，我娶了跟我
去舞会的女孩，而我们生了四个小孩。而当你问任何在联盟里的人，他们会异口同声的
说：“Keyon Dooling是一个正直的人。”
而在2012年的9月，正当我开始我第13年的NBA之旅，我走进了西雅图一家牛排店的厕所，
我看见我的心魔了。
I had just finished the prime rib. We were waiting on dessert, so I excused
myself to go to the restroom. I was in town with Avery Bradley to help out
with one of his charity initiatives, and we had just helped to feed 500 needy
families in the area. We decided to go out to dinner with some of the
sponsors that night, and we were enjoying ourselves.
When I walked into the bathroom, this older guy was at the urinal, and he was
clearly drunk. He was peeing everywhere. So I slid right past him into one of
the open stalls. I left the door open.
As I’m doing my thing, I felt a hand grab my butt, out of nowhere.
I turned around, and it was the drunk guy. I felt my heart drop.
I zipped up my pants and turned to face him, and I almost snapped. I held out
my hands an inch away from his face, and I said, “Hey man, do you know I
could kill you right now, with my bare hands? Do you?”
He just laughed.
And then I said something that I had probably been waiting to say for 25
years: “What is it that you see in me that you would do that to me? Who do
you think you are, that you would do that to me?”
He tried to joke his way out of it. I turned around and walked out. When I
got back to the table, my heart felt like it was going to explode. I told
everybody what had happened. They didn’t believe me at first, and even when
they did believe me, they weren’t really taking it seriously.
我才刚吃完一个上等的肋排，正在等甜点送来。我起身去了洗手间。我跟AB一起来的，
是为了他的一个慈善活动，我们帮助了当地将近五百个家庭，所以我们决定跟一些赞助
者一起去吃晚餐，而我们都很开心。
当我走进洗手间时，有一个大叔在小便池，他完全喝醉了，在到处乱尿。所以我从他旁
边溜过，走进一个隔间而没有把门带上。
当我在尿尿时，我感觉到他抓我的屁股，我感觉到我的心脏要掉出来了。
我拉起我的裤子然后转向他，我几乎揍了他。我的手只离他的脸一寸，然后我说：“先
生，你知道我现在就可以徒手杀了你吗？你知道吗？”
他就只是一直笑。
然后我说了一些我可能已经等了25年要说的话：“你在我身上看到了什么才让你这样对
我？你以为你是谁可以让你这样对我？”
他试着开玩笑的说出来，我转身走了出去。当我回到座位上时，我的心脏感觉要爆炸了。
我告诉每个人刚刚发生的事情。他们一开始还不相信，而甚至最后他们相信后，他们也
没觉得很严重。
I grew up watching The Incredible Hulk. In that moment, I felt like Lou
Ferrigno. You know when Lou was about turn into the hulk, you’d hear that
heavy heartbeat pumping?
Doon-doon. Doon-doon. Doon-doon.
And his form would start to change.
That was me. I was about to explode.
So I tried to laugh it off, like, “O.K. guys, phew, man … I need that crè
me brûlée and a glass of red wine right now, because I need to calm down.”
The sponsors laughed. But I felt it building: Doon-doon. Doon-doon.
My heart was pounding. I excused myself from the table and went outside to
get some air. Just as I walked out of the restaurant, I saw the drunk guy
standing there … and I went into a blackout rage. I grabbed him by the
throat, and I could feel his windpipe in the palm of my hands. Part of me
wanted to kill him right there.
Thank God, one of my friends had followed me outside and pulled me off the
guy before I did any damage, and he got me to calm down.
我是看着浩克长大的。在当下，我觉得自己像Lou Ferrigno，你知道当Lou要变成浩克
时，你会听到很重的心跳声。
碰碰- 碰碰- 碰碰-
而他的外型会开始改变。
这就是那时的我，我感觉要爆炸了。
所以我试着笑笑带过，像是，“OK，伙计们，我需要一个烤布蕾跟一杯红酒，因为我
要冷静一下。”
赞助商们都笑了起来，但我感觉整个建筑一起：碰碰- 碰碰- 碰碰-
我的心脏在剧烈的跳动。我起身离开桌子走出去透透气。当我走出餐厅时，我又看到那
个醉汉站，而我又进入了黑暗的愤怒。我掐住他的喉咙，我的手掌可以感受到他的气管
。当时有一部分的我想要就地杀掉他。
感谢上帝，我的一个朋友跟着我一起出来，他在我还没做任何毁灭时把我拉住，并让我
冷静下来。
When I got back to my hotel room that night, it was like the walls were
closing in on me. My heart wouldn’t slow down. My chest was tight. When I
tried to go to sleep, I started having these flashes in my mind. Dark
memories.
The rainy summer day. The elementary school playground. The two sodas. The
apartment. The porno. The older kid. The knife in my handlebars. The shame.
The pain.
We just wanted to play basketball.
当晚，当我回到旅馆时，我感觉四周的墙壁不断的向我靠近。我的心跳没有慢下来，
我的胸口非常的紧。当我试着睡觉，我开始有些记忆闪过我的脑海 - 黑暗的记忆。
那个夏日的雨天、国小的球场、两杯汽水、公寓、A片、大哥哥、把手里的小刀、羞
耻、疼痛。
我们只是想要打篮球。
Then it got even worse.
All these images started flooding my mind, and I couldn’t tune them out. I
had this horrible, crushing anxiety wash over me.
I called my mom. I called my wife. We prayed together over the phone. But the
feeling wouldn’t go away. Even when I got back home to Boston, I was a
complete mess. I became paranoid. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. It felt
like there was some kind of danger right around the corner, and it was making
me sick.
You know what it felt like?
It felt like my every waking moment was a low-shot-clock situation.
Every basketball player knows the exact feeling of anxiety that I’m talking
about. It was like the clock kept resetting every seven seconds, and I had
the ball in my hands, and it was always ticking down to zero, again and again
and again.
The worst part was that I could see the fear in my children’s eyes. They
knew something was wrong with Daddy, and it was bad.
最后它变得更糟了。
所有画面开始淹没我的脑海，我无法不想它们，可怕，令人沮丧的焦虑感刷洗着我。
我打给我妈。我打给我老婆。我们透过电话一起祈祷。但这些感觉没有离开。即使我回
到Boston后，我还是一团糟。我变的多疑，我无法吃东西，无法睡觉。这感觉就像有四
周都存在着危险，这让我感到恶心。
你知道这感觉像什么吗？
这感觉就像我每一步都像是处在一个计时倒数的情况。
每个篮球员都知道我所说的这种焦虑感。这就像计时器一直在7秒倒数，而球又在我手上
，然后时间倒数到0，接者再不断的重复。( 应该是说准备时间快到准备拆弹的焦虑感 )
最糟糕的部分是，我可以看到我小孩眼神中的恐惧。他们知道爸爸发生了什么的事，不好
的事。
There was no relief. I genuinely felt like I was going die at any moment. The
thought of playing basketball, on top of all this, was too much to bear. So
that’s when I grabbed my son and drove over to tell Danny Ainge that I was
done.
Then I started ranting and raving.
And you know what’s so interesting? You know what most people don’t realize?
They all had my back.
Danny looked at me with kindness. Rajon and Avery looked at me with kindness.
The whole Celtics organization looked at me with kindness.
I still hadn’t told a soul what had triggered everything. Some part of me
was still too worried about what people would think of me. I guess I was
afraid that they would perceive me as weak, or damaged, or somehow at fault
for what had happened to me in that apartment when I was seven years old.
没有任何解脱。我真的随时都觉得自己要死了。除此之外，打篮球的想法实在太难以
承受了。所以我当时才抓着我儿子冲去找安吉，跟他说我玩完了。
然后我开始咆啸跟胡言乱语。
而你知道有趣的是什么吗？你知道人们都没有注意到什么？
他们都在背后支持我。
安吉仁慈的对待我。Rondo跟AB仁慈的对待我。整个Celtics组织都仁慈的对待我。
我仍然没有告诉任何人是什么事情造成这些。一部分的我还是会担心人们会怎么看我，
我猜我害怕他们觉得我胆小、毁掉或因为我七岁时在公寓里的事情而觉得我失败。
But the Celtics never stopped being loyal to me. They were unbelievable. They
kept things quiet and let me get some help on my own terms. And honestly,
getting help saved my life. Doc and Danny arranged for me to see some of the
best specialists in the country, and that’s when I finally made it to
Harvard. Maybe it wasn’t under the circumstances I expected, but I did it.
When I walked into Dr. Timothy Benson’s office at Harvard Medical School, I
thought to myself, We did it, dad. We made it to the Ivy league.
Dr. Benson changed my life. That’s where the healing truly began for me,
because he explained to me that there was a name for the feeling that I was
dealing with. I was actually experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder
stemming from my childhood.
As hoopers, we never have time to process. We always have to keep moving on —
to the next shot, to the next quarter, to the next city, to the next game. I
spent 25 years of my life without a rearview mirror. I used alcohol and women
and hoops to suppress all my emotions. But when I walked into that bathroom
in Seattle, that was the trigger. Everything came rushing back.
I am not a unique case. But unfortunately, mental health and sexual abuse are
still taboo subjects in my world. Not just in the NBA, but in the African
American community as a whole. If you grew up in this community, you already
know the words used whenever the topic is brought up …
“Head doctor.”
“Shrink.”
“I ain’t crazy!”
“I ain’t soft!”
但Celtics从来没有停止对我的忠诚。他们是难以置信的。他们保持事情安静，并让我用
自己的方式得到一些帮助。说真的，这些帮助拯救了我的人生。老河跟安吉安排我去看
了这个国家最优秀的专家们，那就是我最后进入了哈佛。也许这不是我预期的情形，但
我做到了。当我走进哈佛医学院Timothy Benson博士的办公室时，我心想，我们做到了，
爸爸。我们把它带到了常春藤联盟。
Benson博士改变了我的人生。在这里我开始真正的被治愈，因为他向我解释我正在处理
的病有个名字。我实际上正在经历创伤后的压力失调，这源自我的童年。
作为一个球员，我们从没有时间去处理。我们必须不断的前进 - 下一个投篮，下一节，
下一个城市，下一场比赛。我过了25年没有照后镜的日子。我用酒精、女人与篮球压抑
所有的情绪。但当我走进西雅图的那间厕所，那是触发器，全部都冲了回来。
我不是一个独特的案例。但不幸的是，精神健康和性虐待仍然我世界里的禁忌话题，不
仅仅在NBA，更在整个非裔美国人社区。如果你在这种社区长大，你就已经知道每当提出
这种话题时使用的词汇…
“主治医生。”
“精神病医生。”
“我没有疯！”
“我不软弱！”
When we have diabetes, we go get treated. When we tear our ACL, we go get
surgery. But if our heart is broken, or if our soul is hurting, what do we do?
We just internalize it. We become hard. We spend our whole lives running from
the ghost. Until one day, it catches up to us. And I can speak from personal
experience that all the alcohol and all the women and all the money in the
world will not solve the problem.
The only way to finally escape is to stop running and turn around and face
the ghost.
If you are reading this right now and you have been suppressing a similar
kind of trauma, I beg you to reach out and get professional help. When I was
locked away in the bottom floor of the psych ward like a caged animal, I
cried out to God to help me. And I most certainly have to thank God for
helping me get through my pain. For helping me overcome the trauma. For
helping me become a better man. But I also have to thank Doc, Danny, Rajon,
Avery, Dr. Benson, and of course, my wife. They looked at me with compassion
and love when I needed it most. They didn’t see a “crazy” person. They saw
a friend in need.
I can say it now, after years of therapy and self-reflection and work: I was
sexually assaulted as a child. It did not define me as a person. It did not
hold me back from reaching my dreams or from raising four amazing children.
If you are hurting, get some help.
I’ll say it again
If you are hurting, get some help.
You can call out to God. But your second call should be the doctor.
当我们得到糖尿病时，我们得到治疗；当我们撕裂ACL时候，我们去做手术；但是如果
我们心碎了，或是我们的灵魂受伤了，我们会怎么做？
我们只是内化它。我们变得很困难。我们一生都在逃离心魔，直到有一天，它追上我们
。我可以从个人经验告诉你，所有的酒、女人、钱都不能帮你解决问题。
唯一能帮助你逃脱的只有停止逃跑并且转过去面对心魔。
如果你正在读这篇文章并且也在压抑类似的创伤，我请求你伸出手并且得到专业的帮助
。当我被关在精神病院的底层就像宠物被关在笼子里的时候，我哭求上帝的帮助。而我
当然也要感谢上帝帮助我度过痛苦；帮助我克服创伤；帮助我变成一个更好的人。但我
也需要感谢老河、安吉、Rondo、AB、Benson医生以及我太太。当我最需要他们的时候，
他们用慈悲与爱心看待我。他们没当我是一个疯子，而是把我看作是需要帮助的朋友。
经过多年的治疗、自我反思与工作，我现在可以说：我小时候遭到性侵。这并不能定义
我成怎样的人。它并没有阻止我实现我的梦想，也没有阻止我抚养四个优秀的孩子。
如果你受伤了，去获取一些帮助。
我再说一遍。
如果你受伤了，去获取一些帮助。
你可以向上帝祷告。但你接下来应该打给医生。
- Keyon Dooling