Solitary OCT 5 2015
CARON BUTLER
SG / DETROIT PISTONS
http://goo.gl/xH7lIW
Spending time alone can be both therapeutic and traumatic. But it all depends
on context. For example, going for a drive at the end of a long day can be a
great way to clear your head. Spending time in solitary confinement as a
teenager? Not so much.
However, for me, the latter likely ended up saving my life. Fighting with a
fellow inmate, who was also a member of a rival gang in my neighborhood in
Racine, Wisconsin, led to me spending 23 hours a day, for two weeks, in a
10-by-12-foot cell.
My life up until that point seemed destined for failure. All the male role
models in my family went through the penal system, incarcerated for drugs,
guns or gang-related charges. They were all locked up at some point during my
early years. I often wondered if everyone from my inner-circle would be
killed in the streets or die in prison.
独处可以疗愈一个人，也可以伤害一个人，这全部取决于当时的背景。例如在漫长的一
天结束之后出去兜兜风是让脑袋清醒的好方法，在青少年时期就被单独监禁?那可就不是
这么一回事了。
然而对我来说，后者可能拯救了我的人生。跟一个同住的家伙打架，那家伙是在附近地区
敌对的帮派分子，让我每天23小时，连续两个礼拜都被关在一个约10平方英尺的小房间。
我的人生在那个当下似乎注定失败，在我的家族中，所有男性榜样几乎都入监服刑过，可
能是因为毒品、枪枝，或是一些帮派指控，他们都在我小时候的某个时间点进了监狱。
我常常在想，是否我身边的每个人有天都会在街上被杀，或是死在监狱里。
Fear, and the belief that I couldn’t change my ill-fated destiny, led me
down the same path. By the time I was 11 years old, I was already selling
cocaine on the south side of Racine. I had been arrested over a dozen times
by the time I went to high school, but things came to a head when I was 15. I
came to Racine Park high school with a .32-caliber pistol and let an older
friend of mine use my locker to stash cocaine. Members of the Bureau of
Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives found both the gun and cocaine in
my locker. As I said, the gun was mine but the cocaine was not. However, the
code of the streets led me to keep quiet and accept that charge as well.
I was taken to Racine Correctional Institution — an adult facility — where
I served two months of my 18-month sentence before being transferred to the
Ethan Allen School for Boys. Don’t let the name fool you; this“school”was
home to criminals who had committed robbery, rape and murder.
恐惧，并且深信我无法改变注定失败的命运，带着我走上了同一条路。在我11岁的时候，
我已经在雷辛的南边卖古柯碱，在我上高中时我已经被警方逮捕超过12次，在我15岁的时
候事情发展到了一个严重的地步，我带着一把32口径的手枪来到雷辛公园高中，并且让一
个年纪比我大的朋友将古柯碱藏在我的置物柜中。ATF(美国联邦执法机关)的人在我的置
物柜发现了枪和古柯碱，如同我先前说的，枪是我的但古柯碱并不是。然而，街头的潜规
则让我选择闭嘴并接受这些指控。
我被带去雷辛矫正机构，在18个月的刑期之中，我在那待了两个月。之后我被转送往伊森
艾伦男校，别被这名字给骗了，这所"学校"专门收容抢匪、强暴犯和杀人犯。
At just 15, I was a convict, facing more than a year behind bars, and I was a
father-to-be. At an age where most teenagers’ biggest dilemma is who to ask
to the next school dance, I was facing extreme life-altering situations.
Throughout all of this, my mother, Mattie Paden, was there for me. When I was
arrested, she followed the police car in her blue Mercury station wagon. She
even spent that night in her car in the parking lot because she didn’t want
me to feel alone.
My mother worked two jobs and sacrificed so much for us to get by. Back then
she wasn’t able to reap the benefits of her hard work. Coming home to
eviction notices and violence in the neighborhood were not rare occurrences.
Sometimes things seemed like they would never get better for us, but my mom
always believed that we could make it through anything. More importantly, she
believed in me. Even after I was sent away to Ethan Allen and she was still
working two jobs, she’d make that long drive to see me for visiting hours,
then she’d drive home with barely enough time for a nap before going to work
again. My mother is the strongest woman I know. Without her love and support,
I am not sure where I would be today.
才15岁，我已经是个罪犯，得面对超过一年的牢狱，同时还是个准爸爸。在这个多数青少
年最大的烦恼都是该邀谁去校园舞会的年纪，我正在面对相当关键的人生转捩点。
而我妈总是在那陪我经历这一切。在我被逮捕时，她开着蓝色小货车跟在警车后头，因为
不想让我觉得孤单，她甚至在停车场待了一整夜。
我妈为我们牺牲了很多，兼了两份工作，而在当时她却无法享受辛苦工作的回报。
收到驱逐警告与暴力事件在我们这里不是什么新鲜事，有时候事情就好像永远也不会有所
改善，但我妈总是相信我们能够撑过这一切。更重要的是，她相信我。即使在我被送去伊
森艾伦男校之后，她还是做着两份工作。在开放探视时，她会开很久的车来看我，然后牺
牲她在工作前的休息时间开车回家。我妈是我所知道最坚强的女人，如果没有她的爱与支
持，我不知道我今天会在哪里。
During the two weeks that I was in solitary confinement, I reflected on the
sacrifices my mother made and knew that I had to become a better man. I
wanted to make her proud. I wanted her to be able to say, “That’s my son,”
with a smile on her face rather than tears streaming down her cheeks. I
spent many hours alone, writing her letters about my desire to make necessary
changes in my life.
Some people might argue that jail turns people into better criminals. You can
learn schemes and tricks on how to beat the system from fellow inmates.
However, my experience was different. Being away from my family and losing my
freedom influenced me to be a better human being. Without that time of
desperation, I never really could’ve made the change that would save my
life. It led to me becoming closer with God.
Sitting in that yellow brick cell, I would think about the cycle — how
people get out of prison, only to return again. I knew relatives and friends
that had spent their whole lives in that cycle. I didn’t want to fall into
that. I wanted to get out and stay out.
在我被单独监禁的那两个礼拜，我开始思考我妈所做的牺牲，并且了解到我必须成为一个
更好的人。我想让她感到骄傲，我想让她有一天能笑着对别人说"那是我儿子!"而不是流着
眼泪说这句话。
我花了很多时间独处，给我妈写信并告诉她我想为自己的人生做出一些必要的改变。
有些人可能会说监狱让人变成更坏的罪犯，你会从监狱里那些家伙身上学到破坏体制的坏
伎俩，然而我的经验却有所不同，被迫远离家人和失去自由影响了我，让我成为一个更好
的人，没有那段让人绝望的日子，我永远无法真正做出改变拯救我的人生，这让我和神的
关系更亲近。
坐在那黄色的小牢房里，我会思考一个循环，那些人们是如何离开监狱又再度回来，我知
道我的亲戚朋友们花了大半辈子在这个恶性循环里，我不想陷入这个循环，我想远离这个
循环。
They say if you continue to do the same thing over and over, expecting a
different result, it’s a sign of insanity. I didn’t want that.
While I was coming to this moment of clarity and making mental strides to
begin going down the right path, my mom was once again doing everything she
could to help me make that change. She moved from the chaotic south side of
Racine to a more stable neighborhood in midtown.
This was crucial to my transition because, after serving nine months, I didn’
t go back to the same community that I was in before. I was no longer
surrounded by the criminal lifestyle. I began taking action to become a
better man. I connected with my daughter, Camary, who was born just one month
after I was incarcerated. I also immediately got a job at Burger King.
他们说如果你不断的做着同一件事情，却期待一个不同的结果，那你一定是疯了。我不想
这样，当我来到这个清醒的时刻，在心态上有所长进并开始回归正途时，我妈又再一次为
了帮助我做出改变而付出一切，她从较混乱的雷辛南边搬家到邻近地区较稳定的市中心。
这对我的转变很关键，因为在服刑九个月之后，我不会再回到我过去待的社区，再也不会
被那些罪恶的生活方式围绕。我开始为成为一个更好的人付出行动，我和我的女儿Camary
有了连结，她在我入狱一个月后出生，此外我也很快地在汉堡王找了份工作。