Text Messages to Gregg Popovich From a Spurs Fan: A Shark Ate All the Babies
一个马刺迷与 Pop 的短信闲聊: 大白鲨吃掉我所有小孩
By Shea Serrano (波士顿体育写手，作品散见于 XXL, MTV, Vice, Complex等杂志)
on September 19, 2013 3:00 PM ET
Gregg Popovich is a human with a cell phone, so I sent him some text messages.
Gregg Popovich 此人有手机，故我闲来给他捎了个短信问侯...
Me: Pop-a-doc!
Pop: oh no
Me: oh come now. I’ve not talked to you in so long.
Pop: not an accident
Me: you didn’t miss just a tiny amount? Not even thismuch
Pop: I did.
Me: : )
Pop: I missed you like how a stab victim misses being stabbed
Me: that’s not that nice of you to say
Pop: Sorry. I actually did think about you though
Me: YOU DID!
Pop: Yes. I was reminded of you.
Me: OH MY GOD I KNEW IT I KNEW IT BEHIND THAT COFFEE CAKE STONE FACE IS A
BEAUTIFUL HUMAN
Pop: I was at the grocery store and I saw a dirty fat hobo and so then I was
like, “I wonder what Shea is up to?”
Me: :/
Pop: I was getting out of my car and I slammed the door on my hand and so
then I was like, “I wonder what Shea is up to?”
Me: dude
Pop: I was shooting around at practice one day and I jumped and then came
down and severely sprained both my ankles at the same time and so then I was
like, “I wonder what Shea is up to?”
Me: I GET IT OK I HAVE FEELINGS U KNOW
Pop: I was on vacation with my family and we were out boating and we hit a
wave and everyone fell out of the boat and drowned except for me and as I lay
there crying a great white shark came and ate the limbs off all the babies
and so then I was like, “I wonder what Shea is up?”
[No response.]
Pop: thanks for checking on me
我：帕ㄆ博士!
Pop：噢不
我：干麻酱，好久没跟你聊天了
Pop：这不是意外啊
我：你敢说你没有一点点想我? 不用多，一咪咪有吧?
Pop：我想啊
我： : )
Pop：像被捅一刀的人怀念被捅的滋味，那样的想你
我：讲话有必要酱难听吗
Pop：抱歉，其实偶尔我是会想起你
我：真的！
Pop：在一些特别的情境下，我就会赌物思人想到你
我：天哪真的吗吗我知道我就知道你这个爱结死脸的可人儿！！！
Pop：那天我在杂货店看到的一个又胖又脏的流浪工人(hobo)，于是我想：
“不知道 Shea 现在在干麻？”
我： :/
Pop：我下车关门，不小心夹到手痛得要死，这时我就想到了，“不知道 Shea 在干
嘛？”
我：老兄
Pop：有天练投，我一跳之下，我两个脚踝同时扭伤，还扭得不轻，于是我想“不晓得
Shea 在干啥？”
我：够了我懂了你酱讲很伤人你知道
Pop：我跟家人出海渡假，结果遇到一个大浪，除了我家人都被打下船，在海里快溺死
了，我正大哭时，一条大白鲨血盆大口一张把孩子们的四肢都给咬断了，这时我不禁
想，“不知道 Shea 在干啥呢？”
[没有回应]
Pop：谢谢你问侯啊