DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO
Sarah McLachlan
What ravages of spirit conjured this tempestuous rage
Created you a monster broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
A glowing ember burning hot and burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
看完第六集接着被第七集预告轰炸后，这几天我脑海中不断回放这首
悲伤的情歌，虽然试着沉淀心情，过了七年后还是感到震后的余波荡
漾，一股苦涩辛酸仍旧积郁在心里久久不散。只好来这里写点什么抒
发心情，不是什么有条理的心得分析，只有耽溺又杂乱的喃喃自语，
很抱歉用词可能有点沉重与强烈，请慎入。
“这人间苦什么 怕不能遇见你”
黑泽的秘密苦恋始于七年前，七年是破除障眼法的咒语，时光的重量
冲刷掉一切颜色，淹没了所有喧哗，瞬间繁华落尽，黑泽原来是立于
荒野中的苦行僧，遥望着远方的星辰。他信奉与安达的美好相遇，安
达的喜好习性是日日背诵的教义，满腔爱慕不作告白，不求回应，走
的是孤寂又荒凉的无止无尽的修行之路，甘之如饴。
所以那些时而带点旖旎色气时而孩子气一厢情愿的心声妄想，只是一
根根火柴棒划出来的微弱火光，用以赊借一点爱情的温暖美好。
他以安达为题设立的私人博物馆收藏起安达穿戴过的围巾、睡衣以及
从药妆店买回同款洗发精，他将来要避世于其中安度劫后余生。
“有生之年狭路相逢终不得幸免”
没想到原本可望而不可及的安达如今降临身边，得偿所愿。黑泽从前
不敢奢望的美好如今近在呎尺，怎能忍得住不伸手碰触，然而他内心
最深处的恐惧仍是一旦他越线会让安达害怕与厌弃。无处安放的炙热
情感却越发难以克制，所有因安达而起的甜蜜与哀愁都带着巨大的力
量拉扯著黑泽的心让他无法喘息。而那火终究也烧伤了黑泽自己，摧
枯拉朽，理智即将溃不成军。
"So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride's worth.
Is bigger than the pain you got for it hurts
and out runs all of the sadness.
It's terrifying, life, through the darkness."
Corinne Bailey Rae
所以当第六集结尾黑泽终于告白，求的不是安达接受他而是远离他，
看着他焚毁了身后的桥便无退路的我终于掉了眼泪。我觉得七年这个
设定真的太残忍。而第七集还要再心碎一次，有人可以告诉我这毒要
怎么解吗？（叹息）