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原文出自：Matthew Hussey Newsletter
No, really, I mean it.
我是认真的。
But before you think I’m scolding you, let me explain…
但在你觉得我在骂你之前，先让我解释一下…
Today I want to talk to you about a small shift in your thinking that can radically change your love life. It’s reframing your relationship with embarrassment.
今天我想要跟大家分享一些小小思考方向的转换就能改变你的爱情运的方法，那就是重新定义你对于在男女关系之中尴尬与丢脸的框架。
The truth is, as long as you’re worried about looking like an idiot, you’ll never be able to take the risks that get you the results you want in love.
事实上，如果你一直在跟男人相处的时候担心东担心西担心自己的形象，你用远也不会有办法去承担得到爱的风险。
You need to get comfortable with the idea of occasionally making a fool of yourself, because the reward (a committed relationship with the man of your dreams) is worth it.
你必须对于自己偶尔会出糗这件事感到舒适，因为这么做的结果是很值得的（那就是得到妳理想中的对象）
Now I get that you might be resistant… I used to spend an enormous amount of energy and mental capacity trying to avoid embarrassing situations myself.
我懂妳现在可能仍然会觉得抗拒，我曾几花了非常大的力气与时间去避免尴尬即让自己丢脸或出糗。
I would not approach the woman that I was interested in because I was worried of an embarrassing moment if it went wrong, if I got rejected…what if her boyfriend came out of the bathroom two minutes later?
我不会去接近我喜欢的女生，因为我怕会出什么差错而尴尬、怕被拒绝等等…如果她的男朋友两分钟后从厕所里出来怎么办？
I would avoid getting on stage and speaking, and even if I did get on stage and do a public speech I would be so afraid of embarrassment that I’d try and say everything absolutely correctly that I didn’t put a foot wrong, that I didn’t make some funny facial expression, that I didn’t do anything stupid. It would all be about avoiding embarrassment.
我会去避免在很多人面前讲话或是上台的场合，即使我真的上台，我也会非常小心翼翼，不会做任何有趣的表情或是任何可能会让场面尴尬或事让自己看起来像个白痴的事。
The problem is that you can’t avoid embarrassment and do all of the things that you want to do at the same time.
但问题是，你没有法避免尴尬然后同时顾及你想要做的所有事。
It’s impossible, and it closes down all of those creative channels in your body. We wonder why it is that the people we’re attracted to aren’t attracted to us and everyone we’re not attracted to suddenly swarms us like flies. Well why is that?
这是不可能的，在避免尴尬及丢脸的同时，你已经关闭了你身上所有有可能产生创造力的管道。我们常常怀疑为什么我们喜欢的人不喜欢我们，我们不喜欢的人却像苍蝇一样在我们身边挥之不去？所以为什么呢？
Because when we’re in front of the one person we’re attracted to, we’re definitely afraid of embarrassment. We want to make sure we don’t go through any of that so we close down our channels, we sensor ourselves, and therefore we don’t get across our personality.
因为我们在我们喜欢的人面前一定会害怕出糗、尴尬，我们想要确定跟对方相处的时候一定不能有尴尬、出糗的时候，我们对于这件事耳提面命，因此我们的个性也不容易展现。
Reason #1: It’s scientifically proven – People like you more when you mess up.
原因一：科学已经证明，当你出错的时候，人们会更喜欢你。
It’s called “The Pratfall Effect” – Richard Wiseman talked about it in his book 59 Seconds. The idea is that, psychologically, if you’re perceived to be competent at something and then you mess up, people like you more. People like when they see the human side of people, and of course we see people in their most human way when they mess up, when they do something wrong. It allows us to connect, to relate and say “ah, they’re human too.”
这个被称为“出丑效应”，Richard Wiseman在他的书中(59 seconds)有提到。心理层面上，如果你被认为对某件事情很擅长，但你出错了，人们会更喜欢你。人们喜欢看到其他人展现出接近平凡人的一面。当然人非圣贤、孰能无过，这是让人与人之间能够连结、跟引起共鸣的一种方式，人们想要知道自己面对的人，也是一个活生生的人。(http://www.zwbk.org/zh-tw/Lemma_Show/216299.aspx)
Reason #2: You learn from your mistakes.
原因二、你从错误中学习。
When you mess up it allows you to learn better ways of doing it. If you allow yourself to screw up and be a little bit embarrassed in the moment it helps you do it better next time. We all know that failing can help lead to success, and part of failing is going through a little embarrassment here and there.
当你犯错的时候，你就能学到更好的做事方式。如果你允许自己能够出错，并且对于允许自己能够感到尴尬，这会帮助你下次做得更好。我们都知道失败为成功之母，而某些出错与失败必然会跟着一些尴尬或是丢脸的情绪。
Reason #3: It liberates you.
原因三、它让你得到自由
Here’s an example: You know when you get a new gadget like a new camera or a new laptop, and as soon as you get it you’re a perfectionist about that thing? You cradle it, it’s like your baby, you put it back in its special case where it has all the fluff inside so it doesn’t get any scratches, and then when you remove it you remove it carefully. If anyone goes near it you go, “be careful, my new laptop is there that I just bought." You get really protective over it.
这里有个例子：你知道你将会拿到一个像是相机、或是新电脑，当你刚拿到的时候，是否像是个完美主义者想要处处保护好那样全新的东西不受到伤害？你小心翼翼地把它当成生命中最脆弱的东西，把它放入一个特别的保护袋里，好让这个东西一点刮痕也没有。如果有任何人靠近你的新玩意，你一定会说“小心点，我刚买的新电脑在那！”你真的是过度保护它了。
And then one day inevitably it gets a ding, it gets a scratch, something happens to it and you freak out and you can’t believe it and there’s something that happens in that moment. Because it’s been tarnished a little bit, because it’s got a scratch, all of a sudden you start treating it differently.
然后有一天当你不小心让它受了点小伤，产生了些许的刮痕，或是发生了什么小意外，你就感到快要抓狂，不敢相信竟然会发生这种事。但正因为它已经不完美了，因为它有了一些刮痕，突然之间你对待它的方式就完全不一样了。
Look at anyone who’s an actual photographer and you’ll notice that they handle their camera. You know, they’re used to it. It’s been weathered, it’s been used in all different situations. There are scratches on it, it’s kind of war-beaten. It’s been through things, and that person uses it as a tool, a utility. It’s not something they cradle and they nurse and protect and nurture in that way.
你可以去看看任何一个真实的摄影师，你可以观察看看他们如何对待他们的相机。你知道，他们已经很习惯跟相机相处，经过风吹日晒，跟摄影师走过大大小小的事件、状况，它们身上有些刮痕，像是战争后的伤痕一样。摄影师待他们的相机为“实用的工具”，并不对带相机如同对待珍宝一样怕撞坏怕刮到。
It’s something that they use every day. It doesn’t mean that they don’t respect it, but they’re willing to go through those little moments where it can be tarnished because that’s the only way to get the best out of that equipment. You watch someone when they’re not a photographer and they have their new camera, and they’re so precious with it and they don’t want to use it. They never get any great photos because they’re so busy nursing it that they never actually use it for what it’s for,
which is taking photos.
对他们来说，相机是他们每天都会使用到的东西。但这不代表他们不尊重他们使用的工具，但他们愿意让他们的宝贝承受一些必要的磨损，因为这才是能够完整的使用那个工具功能的唯一途径。如果你身边有那种不是摄影师的人，买了相机却舍不得使用，那他们永远都不会拍到很棒的照片，因为他们忙碌于照顾机器本身而忽略了机器的功能：拍照。
People are so busy nursing themselves and cradling themselves and so afraid of the scratches that they never end up using all of their creative channels, they never end up saying half the things they could say to that person they’re interested in. They never go through half the experiences they could go through in life, they’re too busy avoiding the scratches.
人们过度忙碌于照顾自己的形象，就像那些不懂得使用相机的人一样，怕刮痕、怕磨损，而永远无法发挥他们自己的价值。通常在这种状况下，你失去了大半能够谈论你有兴趣的事、经历有趣经验的机会，因为人们忙于照顾自己的形象。
Don’t be afraid of the scratches.
不要害怕磨损跟刮痕。
No matter what area it is – whether it’s at work or it’s in your playtime, whether it’s with people – the moment you’re willing to embarrass yourself is the moment you’ll be completely free. You’ll be free from what everyone thinks of you, what everyone says about you, and you’ll be able to actually risk the actions that will get you to where you want to be. You’ll be able to take the steps that will move you forward.
不管地点在哪里，是在工作场所还是休闲的时间，不管你是跟谁在一起，当你能够接受自己出糗、丢脸时，你就得到了自由。你会从在意别人的想法观感中得到自由，你会真的做自己，你会真的能够做出真的能够使自己前进的事。
So go embarrass yourself.
所以让自己尴尬、丢脸吧。