原文来自Matthew Hussey-Get the Guy电子报
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这篇我就不注解了，相关主题可以看以下几篇：
- 妳要等待还是创造？http://wp.me/p4C58v-7
- 人际创造者：成为社交中心 http://wp.me/p4C58v-e
- 关于女生主动的秘密 http://wp.me/P4C58v-6p
Hey, Pop quiz:
嗨，给妳个即兴测验:
You’re sitting in a café, enjoying your caramel macchiato and catching up on email when you see a handsome man at the table next to you who you’d really like to meet.
妳坐在咖啡店内，享受着妳的焦糖卡布奇诺，并且正在阅读妳的email们，然后妳看到一个妳的菜的帅哥坐在妳旁边。
Do you:
妳会：
A. Wait for him to notice you. If he’s interested, he’ll approach you.
等他注意到妳，如果他喜欢妳，他就会采取第一步行动。
B. Jot down your phone number and “Call me, sexy” on a Splenda packet and toss it on his table. (Don’t forget to smile and wink!)
快速地在Splenda糖包上写下妳的电话号码，上面写着“有空打给我，你好帅”然后丢到他的桌上。（别忘记送他一个笑容跟媚眼）
C. None of the above.
以上皆非。
The correct answer is C. To learn why – and exactly what you SHOULD do when you’re interested in a guy.
正确的答案是C，想知道为什么吗？还有当妳遇到妳喜欢的对象的时候到底应该怎么做？
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Four Stupid Reasons Women Are Told They Can’t Approach Guys
这四个原因是女人一直以来被教导不能自己先接近男生的理由，四个都够愚蠢。
How many times have you heard dating advice tell you: “It’s his job to pursue you. A woman must never make the first move.”
妳听过多少次“你要让男生来追求妳，女生永远都不该主动”这句话了？
Notice how in this quote the second sentence doesn’t follow from the first. Even if the first part was right, that it is a guy’s job to pursue a woman, would it follow from this that a woman can never make the initial approach? No!
注意到第二句话跟第一句话不合逻辑的地方，如果第一句话是对的，第二句一定成立吗？如果追求是男生的工作，女生就不能先做出行动吗？才怪！
Because just starting a conversation does not automatically make you the pursuer.
因为只是主动开启话题，并不代表妳就成为了追求者。
Starting the conversation is a tiny, tiny part of an interaction, and is generally the most meaningless part. It’s the opener. Put it this way: do you remember the first words you spoke to your best friends when you met them? Did that first sentence define your entire future relationship dynamic?
主动跟别人讲话，只是互动的其中小小的一部份而已，甚至，是最没有任何意图的一步。但是可以让你们两个之间的关系至少有个开始。让我们这么说好了，妳还记得妳跟妳的闺蜜们刚认识的时候讲的第一句话是什么吗？那句话是成为妳们变成超级好朋友的关键吗？
No? Of course it didn’t. Because the first lines are only the initial 1% of the interaction. And it’s the same when you speak to guys. It’s the 99% after that first line that really determines whether or not a guy is attracted to you.
我想两个问题的答案应该都是否定的，因为开场白只是两个人的互动的其中1%而已。这跟妳跟男生讲话是一样的道理，剩下的99%才是这个男生会不会被妳吸引的关键。
But this all still might be unconvincing.
讲到这里可能还不是很有说服力。
You might agree that the first line of conversation doesn’t really matter, but still think it’s a guy’s job to come up to you and spout that first line, however inept and bad a job he does of it.
妳可能会同意第一句话不是那么重要，但妳可能还是会觉得男生应该要主动跟妳讲话才对，不论他对这件事情擅长还是不擅长。
In my experience, most women either feel either (a) it is just not their job to approach a man, or (b) they would potentially approach a man, but worry that it will kill their desirability, because it seems desperate and needy.
从我的经验来看，大部份的女生都觉得(a)接近男生不是我的工作，或(b)她们也许会主动接近男生，但是另一方面却担心自己会因此不被当一回事，因为“女生主动”这件事会让她们显得很“缺”。
Let’s briefly survey (and destroy) these and some of the other arguments that arise when people explain why women can’t approach men:
让我们简单的调查（然后摧毁）这些愚蠢的“女生不能主动”的立论依据：
1. Argument From Tradition 传统观点
Men have always approached women. That’s the way it always was. Go back to any time in history, from the Middle Ages to the 1950’s, and you see the same ideal: The man’s job is to approach and pursue a woman, and hope she chooses him.
男人已经追求女人追求了好几世纪了，这是一直以来的通则。我们重回历史，从中世纪开始到1950年代，妳看到的是同样的画面：难追求是男人的工作，然后男生希望女人选择他。
Why is this a bad argument?
为什么这是一个不合理的论点呢？
Tradition alone can’t justify anything. Go back to the Middle Ages and you’ll also see rampant sexism and women who had no political or economic power, yet the fact that these are ‘traditional beliefs’ can’t convince us that these were good things.
传统不能够定义任何事，我们回到中世纪，性别歧视在那个年代是非常猖獗的，女人没有投票权甚至是经济独立的能力，那这些告诉我们难道以前的规矩就一定是好的规矩吗？
Moreover, if you know your Victorian history (and this is something we mention in the Get The Guy book), you’ll also be aware that it’s a myth that women never used to make the first move. In the Victorian-era women would be known drop their handkerchief in the street in order to get a male suitor to pick it up and bring it to her, thus starting a conversation.
甚至，如果妳回到维多莉亚时代（这是我们在Get The Guy这本书里面也有提过的）妳也会知道，女人从不做第一步行动，这是一种迷思。在那个年代，女人在街上经过喜欢的男生的时候，会利用“掉手帕”这个动作来让男生捡起手帕递给他们，借此展开对话。
So women have been making the first move for a lot longer than people believe, even if they used to have to make that move in more subtle ways.
所以女人其实已经默默的采取行动很久了，但女人很多时候是采取比较细微而不明显的动作。
2. Argument From ‘Naturalness’自然性立论
Men are hunters and need to feel masculine. Approaching a woman makes a man feel masculine.
男人是猎人而且需要觉得自己很man，接近女生能够让男生觉得自己像的男人。
Why is this a bad argument?
为什么这个立论不合理呢？
Approaching does not make a man feel masculine. Being desirable to a woman makes a man feel masculine. Even if being able to approach a woman did boost a guy’s masculinity, there are a dozen other ways a man can be made to feel masculine, so it’s pretty much irrelevant who approaches.
接近并不会让一个男人觉得自己像个男人，“被女生想要”才是让男人觉得自己像个男人的时刻。即使有能力去接近一个女生让男生觉得自己像的男人，要让男生觉得自己像个男人，有很多种其他方式可以达成这个目的，所以跟谁接近谁，没什么特别的关系。
When people make the Argument from Naturalness they tend to mean something like: Men like to pursue and earn a woman’s attention.
当人们把这个议题扯上自然生物性的时候，他们说的是男人喜欢追求并且赢得女生的注意。
But in truth, a guy doesn’t mind if he gets the initial attention from the woman. As long as he feels like he pursued and earned her attraction. See, it’s true on some level that men like to feel like they have done something to impress you, but there’s no reason this has to be on the initial approach.
但事实上，男生并不在意是否先被女生先被自己吸引还是相反，只要他觉得自己有展开行动跟赢得对方的注意就好了。所以妳看，男人的确喜欢觉得自己付出之后得到“赢得妳的青睐”的成果，但他不一定要是那个先展开行动的人吧。
So even if men do need to ‘hunt’ in the way this argument says, this doesn’t mean they need to do it by starting the conversation. Even if you give a guy a flash of initial attention, you can now make it his job to try and keep your attention. This is what really makes him desire you and feel like you’re a prize.
也许男人需要“猎杀”但是不代表他要“开启对话”呀。也许妳先给他一下子的初步的注意，接下来要持续妳对他的注意力，就是他的工作了。这才是他想要妳、觉得妳是大奖的关键点。
Most guys, no matter how good-looking, live under constant pressure and fear of approaching women. When they have a woman relieve that tension by speaking to them, it’s refreshing. It feels good and boosts his confidence. He becomes more alive and talkative and will suddenly snap into action and start wanting to keep her around.
大部份的男生，不管他们多帅长得多好看，他们都有那种要逼迫自己先展开行动的压力跟恐惧。如果有个女生能够去释放这个压力并且先去跟他们谈话，这是一件非常新鲜的事情。这让他们感觉很好，而且让他们增加自信。他会变得更有活力、更健谈，而且会瞬间进入到一个“猎人”的模式而且会想要把妳留在他们身边。
Bottom Line: Guys can actually feel like more of a man if you approach. As long as you show that he still has to impress you.
底线：当妳们主动接近的时候，男生其实更觉得自己像个男生。只要妳们在接近他之后，仍然是“你需要做点什么来得到我的青睐”的态度。
3. Argument From Weirdness“妳主动会很奇怪”的立论依据：
It just feels weird to approach a man, it feels unusual and un-ladylike to go and try to pick a guy up.
主动对我来说就很奇怪，主动就一种不正常而且不淑女的行为啊。
Why is this a bad argument?
为什么这是一个不合理的论点呢？
I’m not recommending you go around like a predator trying to ‘pick a guy up’ (unless you have no problem with that, in which case, go nuts).
我不是叫妳当个肉食者一副饥渴的样子要把男生给吃了（除非妳对那样的行为一点问题都没有，如果是如此，尽情地去猎食吧）
Perhaps it’s the use of the word ‘approach’ that makes this seem like a bigger deal than it is. Really, by ‘approaching’, we just mean starting a conversation. It’s easy, fun, and something you can do anytime, anywhere.
也许“接近”这个字眼让这件事情看起来比较严重。但是“接近”真的就只是开口跟对方说说话而已。很简单、很好玩，而且这是妳能在任何地方任何时刻做的事情。
If this idea feels insane to you, just start as small as possible. Make more eye contact (an incredibly effective tool not enough women make advantage of), or just say “how’s your night going?”, or just talk to the guy next to you and ask him something about the place you’re in (party, bar, park, museum).
如果这个概念对妳来说还是很疯狂的话，先从微小的地方开始实践吧。也许眼神接触（这是一个非常有效的工具，但是很少女生会去使用）或是只是简单的说：“你喝的东西是什么”或是一些简单跟妳当时处于的环境有关的问题都可以。
If a guy is eating lunch ask him what’s good on the menu – speak to waiters, coffee shop owners, people at work, security guards. These things seem tiny and silly, but this is what women who meet lots of guys are able to do effortlessly every single day.
如果那个男生正在看菜单，问他什么东西好吃。跟服务生、咖啡店老板、同事、警卫说说话。这些事情看起来很小很傻，但是这是那些每天都能够轻松认识新的男生的女生每天都在做的事情。
This isn’t one big action, it’s lots of tiny interactions. The best strategy to get comfortable with this is to go for quantity over quality every time and ‘warm-up’ your social muscles.
这不是一个很重大的举动或改变，只是很多微小的互动而已。追求量而不求深度的做法对妳的社交肌肉是一个很好的“暖身”练习。
This means (a) talk to LOTS of people. Become an unbelievably sociable and open person no matter where you are, and (b) Don’t try to be too clever/witty/charming – just focus on having lots of conversations.
这代表(a) 跟“很多人”说话，变成一个可以在任何地点跟任何人聊起天来的人，跟(b)不要过度尝试表现聪明、有魅力，只要专注在“跟很多人”开启对话这件事情就可以了。
It gets less weird. Promise.
慢慢就会变得不奇怪，我保证。
4. Argument From ‘What Most Women Do‘“但是其他女生都…”的论点
This argument says ‘most girls don’t approach men, so I’m not going to either’.
这个论点在说“大部份的女生都不主动啊，所以我也不应该主动”
Why is this a bad argument?
为什么这是一个愚蠢的论点？
The love lives and opportunities ‘most women’ are confined to are either meeting some guy in their office or hoping someone in their social circle introduces them to a friend. This is an embarrassingly limited pool from which to choose.
对于“大部份的女生”来说，爱情侷限在办公室里或是他们的交友圈里，这是一个少到令人尴尬的能够选择的数量。
A good general rule in life is to avoid modeling the ordinary. We need to be the exception to the rule if we want exceptional things to happen.
在人生中，最好的策略就是避免跟大部份的人都做一样的事情。如果想要美好且特别的事情发生在你身上，那么你就必须去做跟别人不一样的事情。
Unfortunately, some women will always have an anecdote about a friend who got approached by a guy on her first day of college, married that guy, and lived happily ever after. But this is only one anecdote. It’s one person getting lucky. And that’s fine. Any of us can get lucky…But isn’t it better to have a strategy you know will work?
但很不幸地，这世界上很多女人都有着神话思想，那个在大学第一天就被第一个男朋友搭话，然后跟那个男生结婚，从此之后幸福快乐。但是这只是妳听过的少数的故事而已，这没关系，反正我们任何人都可能这么幸运嘛…但，妳不觉得，有个好的而且有用策略对妳自己比较好吗？